Former Fat Girl

My best friend's wedding

2008-09-02T12:32:00.001-04:00

I was a bridesmaid in a very special wedding this past weekend. My best friend got married. I wish her and her husband nothing but a lifetime of love and happiness. They are perfect together and I love them both. I am so lucky that Mr. Husband and I are friends.

I danced the night and looked rather loverly in my bridesmaid gown. If not for my WLS, I never would have been able to be on my feet most of the day and dance too. It was a blast. And now it is time to finish what I started and get to goal!

I am back!

2008-09-02T12:21:00.001-04:00

Former Fat Girl is back. The last 7 months have been insane. I missed blogging. Life happens and well I relized blogging is just another one of many creative outlets I have to get it all out there.

y'all come back now ya' hear!

Oh and be sure to check out Former Fat Girl and Friend Cooks!

Here I am...

2008-01-10T20:22:00.000-05:00

I am not dead and I have not been in jail!

I can not believe how much I have neglected my blog. Oh so very wrong. So much has happened since May. I plan on write the update post this weekend and then get back into routine of blogging regularly.

Ethan is graduating…

2007-05-09T10:55:00.000-04:00

My baby brother is graduating from college on Monday. His BFA thesis film – PLASTIC is finished. All that he has left to complete is one class and his internship this summer. So basically he is “walking” at the graduation ceremony. However, my brother is graduating. He will have a BFA degree just like his sister. And he won an award from school. The awards ceremony is Sunday!

I am so proud of my brother I could plotz (burst). He really has grown into a wonderful person/ man. He is UBER talented, brilliant, compassionate, kind, gentle, funny, intelligent, sensitive, and very laid back. I am so glad we are as close as we are. Our relationship has had strains over the years – but we worked/ pushed through and I am grateful every day that my brother forgave me for the things I did. He could truly hate me – but he doesn’t. I am so lucky. He is my friend and my brother. We have great times together and have been through horrible things together. We have each other’s back - always and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I protect my own. He is the same way about me. I couldn’t be more proud of him and the person he has become.

I remember the day he was born – January 23, 1985. I was almost 5. I was so excited. Mom knew she was having a boy. I was so excited. GG asked me what I wanted for my big sister present – I wanted a Rainbow Brite Doll. The morning he was born – I woke up around 5 am and the light was on in the kitchen, which was weird. I went into my parents room and they weren’t there – I panicked a little and went into the kitchen – Peggy was in there. Mom and Dad had gone to the hospital. I spent the morning at Peggy’s house. Played with her kids and dog. The Au Pair at Peggy’s house made French toast for breakfast. Ellen and Steve picked me up in their Cadillac in the early afternoon to take me to the hospital. They gave me a thing of conversation hearts. We go to the hospital. The first person I saw as I was walking into the hospital room was GG!!!! Grandpa was there too. Mom was in bed and dad was there. Oma and Opa were flying in from Florida the following day. GG gave me my Rainbow Brite Doll. She could make things happen. I was so excited. I was getting fussed over. Then I met Ethan. I knew he was a person & not a doll. But it was weird. And he was the biggest living little person I had ever seen. He was 10 lbs 5 oz and 22 inches long. He was all head and shoulders. He got stuck and tore through mom and well I think she got sick and turned a little green and maybe a bit of shock set in… Dad thought she was going to die. Mom pulled through – but dad held Ethan first. I got to hold Ethan that day. Dad had me sit in a chair and put Ethan in my lap. I loved him instantly. He was mine!!!!! He isn’t my son. But he is my baby brother. What I did he wanted to do… he was like my little sidekick and although at times I found him irritating – I wouldn’t want it to have been any different.

I just can’t believe he is graduating. I feel old amongst other things. It is very bizarre. How did we get to this moment? Everything we have gone through. WOW!!!! Life just happens and well – I am glad I am around and healthy to see it. I am proud to be the kind of sister Ethan deserves to have and I know he is proud of me. I am also glad that Grandpa is around to see Ethan graduate – he and Uncle Lenny are coming up on Friday.

Voting starts May 2nd

2007-04-22T20:02:00.000-04:00

Erin is one of my bestest friends. She is amazingly talented and I love her dearly. She can win this.

In case you forget Erin is a songwriter and submitted her song CLOSE to the American Idol Songwriter competition... The song with the votes will be sung by the American Idol winner!

Voting starts May 2nd...

If you haven't already registered to vote - please go to http://songwriter.americanidol.com/ and register to vote - you will then be emailed a reminder when voting starts on May 2nd... then cast your vote ~ CLOSE BY ERIN MICHELLE KUCH

I am asking you to vote for .... CLOSE BY ERIN MICHELLE KUCH

To hear Close and other songs got to... Erin's Myspace Music Page ~ http://myspace.com/erinmichelle516

Is it My Fault - is my fave!!!!

Erin can win this - let's help push CLOSE over the edge with votes... Get the word out there.

Thanks y'all!

Lollipop ~ Mika

2007-04-17T09:52:00.001-04:00

Nor'easter and the gym

2007-04-16T05:37:00.000-04:00

THe weather is so not good outside. A nice little nore'easter - lots of wind and rain! It is 5:30 am so I am writing this quickly before I am off like a prom dress and going to the gym. I can hear the wind howling. Oh well. Anyways, I am drinking my 3 oz protein shot thing and thinking I shall do the recumbent and arm weights... tonight my kardio kick class - good times.

Have a great day y'all!

Day of liquids

2007-04-15T20:29:00.000-04:00

So a buddy of mine and I are going to do a day of liquids tomorrow (Monday). Wahooooo. I love doing a day of liquids. It helps me get back control. I might even do 2 days of liquids. I need to just stay focused - eyes on the prize. I know I can do this... but I feel like I fucked it all up. I didn't have my insides rearranged to be just be satisfied with where I am... I want to loose another 100 lbs. I know I will. I worked too hard to just give up and stop. I am human - unfortunately.

Bring on the liquids - bring on the next 100 lb. loss.

Sweet Sixteen!

2007-04-15T18:33:00.000-04:00

16 years ago - last week of March 1991 - I was finishing my round of radiation therapy on my right arm. 16 years ago - I was hoping and praying that I wouldn't be an amputee. 16 years ago - right now... my only wish was that radiation treatment would stop my tumor's path and growth. I was tired of being sick and fighting so damn hard! I am so proud of that little girl. She was the bravest, strongest person I know. She fought so hard... and her efforts were greatly rewarded!

Very long story short -

1989, I was diagnosed with Aggressive Fibromatosis. A rare benign tumor.

My orthopedist is the foremost person in the country for Aggressive Fibromatosis. I was the 10th patient he saw with this kind of tumor. His first patient was a woman in the 1960's. She died. The tumor is benign and doesn't matastisize - however it is so locally aggressive that it is basically between benign and malignant. The only cure is amputation of the limb. If left untreated it grows in it's path and enters the body cavity - and well, you die. Sorry, for my bluntness.

My arm was supposed to be amputated... I was told it would be - but I never got that sugery date! Due to my parents' persistence and the abnormal kindness of one doctor - I have my functioning right arm. I was a medical guinea pig and am written up in medical journals.

My tumor was removed once - it grew back. Chemo, was a crap shoot - I was guinea pig. My tumor grew during my round of chemo. The only reason I did radiation was because my parents and Dr. Bornstein are special people. Radiation wasn't done at that time for the possibility of maybe helping or just to see if it would work. There had to be a legitimate reason to run that machine... and well Dr. Bornstein agreed to take me on as a case study and wrote a paper about me to justify the treatment & it worked!!!

There was a boy around my age who was seeing my Doctor at the same time as me. He had Aggressive Fibromatosis in his leg. At that time - that boy and I were the only 2 patient's of Dr. Goldberg's who never became amputees.

I had a great team and we all fought and worked so hard for me to keep my arm and have it function and well it all worked out!

I don't know why I am the lucky one or why I am the special one. I have spent lots of time trying figure it out & I can't! I just accept it. Maybe, someone/ thing knew that I would learn from it and could handle it? However, I am grateful everyday for being so damn lucky and special.

I got a miracle.

She's not just a pretty face ~ Shania Twain

2007-04-15T14:13:00.001-04:00

I am not just a pretty face... I am the whole package! This is a Marla song. Hell - this is a song for every girl/ woman!

I Belong To Me ~ Jessica Simpson

2007-04-15T14:01:00.001-04:00

My other theme song. Well, in addition to ~ Who can turn the world on with her smile? That will always be my theme song - but this suits me too!

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker ~ Sandi Thom

2007-04-15T13:49:00.001-04:00

Check out my Guestbook!

2007-04-15T10:23:00.001-04:00

Help me to help Erin - She can win this..

2007-04-12T11:57:00.000-04:00

I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for Erin - one of my bestest friends!

She just submitted a song to the American Idol Songwriting competition.

The winner of AI 2007 will sing the song w/ the most votes on the season finale.

Erin is one of my bestest friends - we went to SUNY Purchase together! And I love her dearly! She has busted her arse for the last 2.5 years touching up her cd. I did her cd cover - I am her graphic designer!

I realize that asking most of you to do anything related to american idol equates sacrificing your first born to the devil, but think about it this way well y'all are friends with me and Erin is my friend and you may not know her - but she rocks!... She can win this! Do it for me!

I am humbly asking if y'all will please register to vote on http://songwriter.americanidol.com and vote for Erin Michelle Kuch's song "close."

Spread the word to your family, your friends, your enemies, and your co-workers.

Most of us who know Erin believe that Erin's true calling in life is her songwriting. Well, now's crunch time.

Please, Please, Please!

Thanks in advance.

P.S Check out Erin's Myspace Music Page to hear some of her stuff and see the album cover I did for Beneath the Curtain - her cd!

Will I ever reach my goal?

2007-04-12T10:30:00.000-04:00

I feel so frustrated!!! I feel Like a big fat failure!!! WTF!!!!!

MOST of my surgery buddies have reached their goal weights and I am super duper happy for them. But, it makes me alittle sad that I still have so far to go. . I try to remind myself that I weighed 392 lbs pre - op and most of my friends were never that heavy and I can't compare myself to other WLS people - hell I can't comapre myslef to other people! I am me and I love me! But, I want to be me at goal!!!!

I want to be successful with my WLS!!! I think part of me thought I would get to my goal in one year - but loosing over 200 lbs in one year was/ is unrealistic. I lost 144lbs in my first post - op, that is amazing. Why is that not good enough? I know why I got fat in the first place and am working on my inner demons with my therapist - I am starting to feel whole again and like the Marla I was before igot sick and my grandmother died - I am becoming me again! Like coming home again! I am happy. I am just scared that I won't reach my goal. Will it ever happen for me. I am doing my aprt and working with my tool. There is always room for improvement . I have the power to make my dreams come true and I didn't have this surgery to be satisfied with where I am - I WILL REACH MY GOAL!!!!!!

Still Here...

2007-04-12T10:20:00.000-04:00

I used to blog all the time - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????

There is lots to catch up on. My life is like a whirlwind sometimes and very calm others. Ethan is graduating college next month. How is that possible. I remember the day he was born and what I was doing like it was yesterday!

I have lost a butt load of weight and look and feel completely different. Of course - I am still Marla and there are people and things that piss me off - But i am still happy. And enjoying living life. This is one crazy rollercoaster that I am not getting off. They will have to pry the safety bar from my cold dead hands!

I need to be posting more regularly with what is going on in my life!!!!! There is lots. Look for another post tonight! I am going to try to post everyday. I need a place to ramble. Does anyone actually read Former Fat Girl - or am I just talknig to myslef. Oh well, I am good at keeping myself entertained.

I see my surgeon next week for follow - up for gastric bypass and gallbladder removal. _ One year and 3 months post - op - when did that happen? Will I ever get to goal, yes. Gosh it is so damn frustrating. But, having been 392 lbs - I can't expect it to happen over night.

Travelin' Fool

2007-02-28T09:13:00.000-05:00

January 12 - 14, 2007

Went to Georgia to visit my soul sister Lucinda! GOOD TIMES! Can't wait to go back!

February 16 - 19, 2007

Went to Kentucky to visit my wicked good friend Beth! OH MY GOSH DID WE HAVE A BLAST! And I passed the test to visit again. Beth so wants me to come back - for more fun! Looking forward to it!

I love both of you tons! You both are just amazing - I am so lucky to call you both FRIEND!

I am back!

2007-02-28T09:02:00.000-05:00

Bet y'all were wondering what happened to me & missed me so much. I can't believe I haven't blogged in so long. I have to so much to update y'all on so this will be the short version with more to follow later.

~Here is the list version of what has happened since my last post~

• I had my 1 year surgiversary

• Turned 27 - I AM 27 (bizarre)

• Travelin fool - been to Connecticut, New York City, Georgia & Kentucky - Gosh I love my friends! (I past the test for a second visit with both Lucinda & Beth W. - SWEET, I can't wait)

• My brother turned 22

• I got a comission to do a large scale painting for a family friend

• I have lost 144lbs since my Weight Loss Surgery

• Life is good - trying to deal with my suprressed inner demons that caused me to eat. But, I am dealing and moving forward. I am too important to ever give up on myself again.

Nuthin' is worse then chemo!

I am still obese... sweet!

2006-12-23T11:37:00.000-05:00

I decided to find a BMI (Body Mass Index) Calulator and see where I stood. Wait a tick... I am standing right here.

So, of course I have to compare FAT GIRL to FORMER FAT GIRL. Here are the results...

FAT GIRL - Former Marla

5' 3"
392lbs
BMI - 69.4 (uber/ super Morbidly obese)

FORMER FAT GIRL - Marla

5' 3"
236lbs
BMI - 41.8 (Obese)

No more uber in my BMI classification. Sooo sad. I am still uber! Will always be uber! Just with a lower BMI. Marla is uber-ific! I have gone from wicked super duper fat to PHAT. Kickass! 106 lbs left to loose. Bring it on. I am so gonna get to goal. I rock!

What's in a Name...

2006-12-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

"O! be some other name: What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" ~William Shakespeare (Romeo & Juliet)

So, I have come to realize just how many nicknames I really have. My parents weren't into names that had built in variations - ie Michael (Mike). Marla is unique. And it suits me. Even with my middle name Erin. It works. I never really had nicknames growing up. The occasional Mar, but that was about it.

So I was thinking about all my nicknames the other day. I think it is great! I feel so loved that lots of different people have bestowed so many nicknames upon me.

Family nicknames... Marla Muffin, Marla herring (Thanks Grandpa), Bunny, Bubelah, Shanya Punim (pretty face), and of course - MIGGLAH! Ethan started calling me Migglah while I was in college. It stuck! It was originally spelled Miglah. I added the second g as a little silent tribute to Grandma Gladys. Cause she is always with me!

In some circles of friends I am... M - Dizzle 2 (Molly is M - Dizzle 1), M - Dawg, Mar, MarMar, Marlsie, Mo, Marla Mo, Mo Money, Thing 2 (Molly & Lucinda are both respectively Thing 1), Lovie, Sweetness, Sweet Cheecks, Schmoushie, Migglah

Within The Navel Orange Club (my local WLS girls) I am... Baby Orange or Princess Baby Orange

In The Neighborhood on LivingAfterWLS I am... Baby Goddess, Baby Girl, Marlotta, Chickie, Twinlet, Little One, MissMarla, Thing 2, Miss Fancy Panties

Camp Kingsmont Summer 1992... I inherited a nickname that I can't shake and I am rather proud of it actually. Every once in awhile it resurfaces for just the shear joy it brings. It was the start of the night time activity - All camp capture the flag..; boy vs. girls!

Well my friends and I were forming our plan on the main road. They were planning on going through the woods up to boys hill! I was gonna place myself where the main road and the rock/dirt road intersected. Off we went. At the last minute, I wanted to go into the woods too. And took off running to catch up with my friends. I tripped and fell and skidded accross and over the rocks. I sliced my legs good. i was more concerned with my bad arm. It was fine as I had been wearing my windbreaker!

My legs were gushing blood, so my counselor Steph took me to the infermary. Norma was concerned about my arm and deemed it fine but wanted me to ice it. Then she was about to let me go when i remembered I was gushing blood From my legs. She hadn't seen it! Well, that was fun. My fav. guy counselor Guffy was there too. He took one look at my legs and said, "Felldown what were you thinking." And it stuck... I am still called Felldown.

See Guffy knew my last name & well Felldown works. Marla Felldown. Trust me. Those of you that know my last name will agree. I was Marla Felldown or Fell down for 4 summers and Mom still says it to me sometimes! I love being me - Migglah Felldown!

December 10, 2005

2006-12-12T19:59:00.000-05:00

My surgery R-n-Y weight loss surgery was originally was supposed to be 12.12.05. My NY friends and I planned my last hoorah for 12.10.05. Since my sugery date was changed to 1.3.05 - we still had my last hoorah on 12.10.2005!

I posted about the last hoorah on my first blog - Migglah's World... for awhile I had that blog and this. Then I canned that blog and focused on this one.

I wanted to repost the pictures from my last hoorah, here. I also want to honor my NY friends who were there to celebrate with me. Thank you to all of you for your support and love. Y'all were in NY with me when I made my mind up to have the surgery and started going through the process. It wasn't easy for me to be so far away from my family while I was doing all my tests and things as a pre-op. You guys were there. Physically there. And for that I will always be grateful.

I don't know where I would be without my family and friends. All of you are amazing and mean the world to me. Thank you!

And now... pics of the party last year! We went to Lips (Drag restaurant) in the village (NYC). Getting felt up by a drag queen is always fun! My friends and I spent lost of time and money here! And we drank alot too!

We ate and drank. I had the rack of lamb & a 24 oz frozen cosmo and 2 shots. I don't remember what shots Erin and I did. Maybe it as mind erasers. A good time as had by all!

December 12, 2005

2006-12-12T12:47:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm... so if my surgery date hadn't been postponed, today would be my surgiversary. Very weird. At times, I feel like my surgery was soooo long ago and at other times it feels so recent. It doesn't feel like it has been almost a year. So much has happened & I have grown and changed a great deal too.

And, of course I look & feel completely different. I have been in a weird palce... happy though (Maybe i should focus on taking my meds). I haven't lost as much as I wanted to this year... but I can't complain with 144lb loss since 1.3.06 and 156 lb loss from my heaviest weight. I weigh 236 lbs. This time one year ago I weighed 383 lbs. I have lost a person. WOW!

I am not beating myself up... Of course, I wanted to loose more... who wouldn't? But, I am doing so well! I just have to remind myself sometimes. This was the best thing I ever did for myself. I gave myself the gift of life! If, I hadn't done this - I would easily be 500 lbs is not more and my knees would have probably blown out by known. This is probably the happy version... it would be bad! But, it isn't. I am taking care of myself & I know I deserve it!

I still have a more to loose and I will. I will get to my goal. I am succesful so far with my WLS (weight loss surgery). I will keep being successful! My gallbladder issues were a bigger setback then I first thought. But, that is not an excuse and I am moving forward and getting back to where I was.

I am still on target to be 200 lbs even for my birthday on February 17. That would be amazing (180 lbs lost in one year and 6 weeks). I think I can I think I can! I am trying not to focus on numbers and just do what I need to do and focus on how I feel.

I take it day by day & I am living! In time.

I will get to where I want to be. Cause, I have the power to make my dreams come true. I want it, therefore, I am making it happen!

Dixie Chicks - Wide Open Spaces

2006-12-09T16:06:00.001-05:00

I can't stop playing this video. I even play the song constantly in my car. Hmmmm... new theme song? Nah, Love is all around - will always be my theme song!

Today I am 11 months post op! : D

2006-12-03T19:43:00.000-05:00

December 10, 2005 - WOW!

December 3, 2006 - 11 months post op

Current Weight - 236lbs
Surgery Weight - 380lbs
Heaviest Weight - 392 lbs

144 lbs lost since surgery on January 3, 2006

156 lbs lost from my heaviest weight

Current Sizes:

Pants - 20 (almost an 18)
Shirts - 12
Bra - 38 D @ Victoria's Secret
Panties - XL @ Victoria's Secret (their hiphugger panties are the best!)

How am I here? How did 11 months go by so fast. I am reminded of a line in a song from The Muppets Take Manhattan... "Days go passing into years, years go passing day by day!" Although, I feel like the past 11 months have flown by, I also feel like I had my R-n-Y sooo long ago. I find myself accidentally telling people my surgery date as January 3, 2005, instead of the correct date January 3, 2006.

I have done a great deal of changing over the last 11 months. And, I know I will still change - everyday. I am still Marla, and certain things about me will never change. However, other things have & will. I am a better Marla. I am a improved Marla. I have grown & matured ove the past 11 months. I am shedding not just pounds, but my baggage that I have clung to for so long.

I felt that I wasn't going to change after surgery. I was wrong. Whether you want to or not, you do change with weight loss surgery. There aren't just the obvious physical changes, but mental & emotional changes as well. It is a mind boggling, amazing, overwhelming roller coaster ride, that I don't want to get off of. It is truly the best thing I ever did for myself. I gave myself the gift of life!

I have blosssomed & matured over the past 11 months as well. I am an adult. I am becoming who I was meant to be. I am getting back to the Marla I was before my grandma died. I remember that Marla. But, I wasn't ready to be me... at that age. I am a strong, talented, funny, intelligent, beautiful, caring, loyal, honest, upbeat woman. I was too strong for my own good. I couldn't handle all my gifts and strengths & add to that my insecurity, let's just say it was easier to believe the people telling me I was a loser... but I am not! I am amazing! I am a ball of energy and spunk!

If I hadn't experienced what I did in my past, I might not be the person I am right now. And, I love the Marla I am today and the one I will be in the future because I am in control. Everything we experience good and bad helps to make us who we are. I got lucky, and turned things around... but, I love me & if given the oppurtuinty to relive my life. I would live my life exactly the same way- just becasue I love who I am now. And I wouldn't want to be different.

I am in it to win it. I have my eyes on the prize. I have the power to make all my dreams come true. If I want it, I can make it happen!

Happy 11 months post-op to me!

October & November 2005 - Revisted

2006-12-03T19:10:00.000-05:00

Wow, sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Lots seems to have been gonig on. And of course, I am slowly approaching my surgiversary, which is mind blowing enough on it's own.I have spent this fall doing alot of thinking and revisting the same time the previous year. I can't believe how much I have changed, gwon and matured this year... well and loosing 144lbs of extra insulation. I crapped a person. But, that is a special post I am saving for this week.

Let's see where was I October 2005...

I was living & working in Manhattan. I was laid off from my job due to lack of work on or around October 12. I stayed in Manhattan and split my time between home and NYC. And collected unemployment benefits! The company I had worked for knew about my surgery and supported it. They felt bad about laying me off... So, they continued paying my health insurance through February 1, 2006. I was sooo lucky! Since HIP - my NY insurance - approved my surgery there was no point in moving back home till after surgery.

My dad retired. He owned a retail bike store that his father had started I believe in the 1940's. Dad liquadated the merchadise and sold the building and the land. Since mom worked at the store with dad, both my parents were no retired.

My surgery was scheduled for December 12, 2005!

Now - November 2005

I still wasn't loosing enough weight to have my weight loss surgery. Dr. McGinty wanted me to loose 20 - 25 lbs. I weight was plateauing. I had been on a high protein diet since the summer. Protein shake for breakfast & lunch... dinner 6 oz. protein 2 starch and 2 vegatables. My weight wasn't budging... I was done 9lbs from August '05

November 18, 2005 - The birth of SOON TO BE A FORMER FAT GIRL. I started my blog. Craziness. Then after my surgery I changed the name to FORMER FAT GIRL - my baby!

November 29, 2005 - The tuesday after Thanksging I had pre-op testing at the hospital as my sugery was scheduled for 2 weeks later - Decmber 12 2005. I got weighed and lost 1 pound.. not enough.

November 30, 2005 - Found out my surgery was being postponed to January 3, 2006 as 9 lbs wasn't enough of a loss. I lost it. I cryed, and cryed, and cryed. I was a mess. Then I decided to bust my ass over the following month & have my surgery. I did... When I went again after christmas for pre-op testing... I had lost 3 more lbs & Dr. McGinty felt fine with me having a lost a total of 12 lbs. I was so excited. I couldn't wait. January 3, 2006 wasn't coming fast enough.

2006-11-26T09:10:00.000-05:00

Mary Tyler Moore Megamix - DanoramaProductions.com

I love Mary Tyler Moore. MTM is awesome! The Mary Tyler Moore Show is one of my all time faves. Her theme song is my theme song!

Happy Thanksgiving - Marla Style

2006-11-21T22:02:00.000-05:00

This has been my turkey day ecard for the last couple of years. I thought I would post it for my readers...

I HOPE Y'ALL HAVE A FANTABULOUS THANKSGIVING

Comments?

2006-11-16T06:35:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to let y'all know that it was brought to my attention, that there were some issues with people leaving comments on Former Fat Girl. The issue being that readers couldn't leave comments. I changed my comment settings so that now ANYONE can leave a comment. You no longer need to be a blogger member. Enjoy!!

2006-11-12T16:11:00.000-05:00

Touch-a, touch-a, touch me (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

This is my favorite song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

2006-11-12T13:13:00.002-05:00

Marla = Janet Weiss

10 months post op

2006-11-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

So November 3 2006, marked my being a post-op for 10 months. So crazy. One week from today marks the 1 yr anniversary of my blog. November 11, 2005 - I weighed 387 lbs. Today - November 11, 2006 - I weigh in at 236lbs.

Current sizes:
Pants = 20
Shirts = 12 or 14
Bust = 38 D

November 11, 2005
Pants = 32
Shirts = 26/28
Bust = 44 C

Compliments # 2 aka I love Liz!

2006-11-08T15:20:00.000-05:00

Liz deserves her very own post!

So, I have this friend named Liz. Gawd.. I think I have known her since I was two. Oh, we have only been friends for about 24 years! We grew up together on the same street. Our parents are friends & she is one of my oldest and dearest friends. It is hard to remember life before Liz and I were friends. Hmmm, kinda like how I feel about Molly! I was like Liz's little sidekick while we were growing up as she is two years older then me.

If I had to pick someone who was like my older sister while I was a kid it would be a tie between Liz & Jodi! I don't know if I ever told this to Liz, but I have always felt she was one of the coolest people I know. When I was younger, I felt so cool that she was my friend. Well, we grew up, became adults & are still friends. We are very similar but yet very different. We just get each other. Liz, I love you. I can't imagine not being friends with you. You were there for everything, thanks!

Now, the mushiness ends and the gloves come off. Liz, has always kept me in check and would tell it to me like it is. Our persoanlities are very similar. And we don't take crap from each other! Watchout though, cause when Liz kicks, she kicks hard. Yes, I love her for it! : D

Liz emailed the following to me this morning in regards to my photo that is in the previous post... enjoy!

"MARLA -
I can not believe you… I just looked at your blog. I don't care if you don't like compliments… you are getting them here and NOW! YOU LOOK UN F&*KING BELIEVABLE…. You are SOOO skinny… and I agree with everyone… I wouldn't NOT recognize you from behind… welcome back neck and great bosoms ;)

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo"

THANK YOU LIZ! I LOVE YOU!

Compliments

2006-11-07T14:02:00.000-05:00

I have always had trouble accepting compliments. In my head, it is almost like I don't deserve them. Or, I don't believe the person. I am but, a humble person. And, as much as I love being the center of attention, it is the accepting of compliments that has always been hard for me. Those of you that know me off the computer... know what I mean. You know that I am not fishing for compliments, but am actually rather taken by surprise at the compliment being givien in my direction. It is something that I have always been aware of & am working on it.

I am in a unique situation where, I am getting them alot. I look completely different. I am learnnig to smile and say thank you & then tell the person what their words mean to me. This approach seems to be working. I am learning that I do deserve the compliments and kind words being given to me. I have always been a sincere, genuine, honest person. So, that part is natural. I appreciate everyone's kind words and compliments.

I thought I would share some of the more entertaining compliments I have received recently.

En route to New Jersey for my Grandpa's birthday party the begining of October, my father told me the following... We were leaving a rest stop on the turnpike & I was walking in front of my parents. My dad walked up to me and said, "Marla, your bum has gotten so much smaller that I can't really recognize you from the back anymore!"

At my Grandpa's birthday party, my aunt (Grandpa's sister) looked at me from across the table at the restaurant and said, "It is so nice to see that your neck has returned." I love that my aunt tells it like it is.

The following comments are from my myspace page in reaction to the following brand new picture

Friend from High School - "skinny ass'd ho :-P "

Friend from College - "omg i didn't recognize you you look great!!!!!!!!!!!! skinny minny! "

And last but not least, my buddy Jake - "Good thing the tits are still rocking." Jake, my dear I love you!

So not happy in my head...

2006-11-07T10:49:00.000-05:00

I really just want to scream... a long deep primal scream like the ones Mr. Farrell wanted us to do at home after he had us read Primal Scream in my high school Art Major class. I need a way to release everything in my head and the things that seem to be weighing me down. It has been bringing me down the last 2 weeks.

My routine is back in place... exercise, protein, water, vitamins, time with friends, etc. However, I have not been getting enough sleep. I am sure it is because my head is not calm. I can't seem to figure out where I fit in. Things are weird at home. Obviously it is not just weird for me to be 26 and back living with my parents after being on my own in NYC, but it is weird for them too. For now, I need to be there. We have talked & I think they get it. We are all working on stuff. I have also told them I am not 12 year old Marla anymore & things are different. I have to take care of me first & they understand. So time will tell!

I am having trouble figuring out where I fit in. I don't feel or look MO or even really obese anymore... but according to the numbers I am still obese. My body is not the body of someone who weighs 241lbs. I know this is because of exercise...but, it isn't making it easier for me to figure out where I fit in. I am far from thin, however... It confuses me very much. Yes, I am heavy... however!

I think I have had it with dating in general. This is not what I signed up for. I am done. I just want to live my life and enjoy it. Most of my friends that are my age are in serious long term relationships. Some are engaged & a few are married & then a couple of the married ones have kids. I am very jealous. I know I am not ready for this today, but I find myself wondering when & if it will happen for me. Would I be married or engaged right now if I had just dealt with my arm stuff as it was happening and thus not created the habit of food instead of emotion. I will never know & I try not to wonder. But sometimes it makes me very sad. I know I am only 26... but I feel like I missed out on so much & feel like I will never catch up. I often times feel like is this it? Is this why I was sliced, diced, stapled and rerouted? It was almost easier being MO. I would never go back to that, however there is something to be said for the wall of fat & the invisibility. Now, I am visible but still sometimes feel like I am just watching.

Some of my friends/ married or not also have the feelings of is this it...although the reasons are different the feelings are still the same. Which is nice knowing that my friends and I can relate to each other, and that I am not the only one feeling the way I do. I am trying to follow my heart but lead with my head. I am tired of being torn between the two... I feel this way, but know this. I can't do that anymore... it is too draining. I am my own worst enemy and I did such a good of it. But, I am not like that anymore & I am trying to clean up the broken pieces.

This roller coaster ride often makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I have no desire to get off the ride... but wow I wasn't expecting all of this! All of my emotions are now all jumbled together... and I am sifting through them. I want to experience them & deal with them. But, just wow! I just sometimes feel so helpless, alone & like such a big fat loser. I want the little rain cloud to go away again.

Non-Scale Victory

2006-11-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

I am now able to buy underwear and bras at VS. OMG, the best feeling ever! I feel like "one of them," a normal person. No one looked at me funny for being in there. It was like I belonged!!! The stuff is soooooo comfy. Never again will I buy intimate apparel @ Lane Bryant. I have entered into my love affair with VS. I need to sign up for their card. WOW, my bum fits into their panties! That doesn't seem possibly... but yet it is!

2006-11-06T23:02:00.000-05:00

Sarah Silverman - Give the Jew Girl Toys

Santa doesn't bring this jew girl toys either!

Engagement Party Pics

2006-10-24T20:08:00.000-04:00

Erin & Louie's Engagement Party 10.21.06 Peppercorn's Hicksville, New York

Alana & Tom

Alana & I

85% of the bridal party

The SUNY Purchase girls. Erin, Alana, & I

Louie, Tom, Ally, Me, Erin

Cassandra (Erin's baby sister)

John & I

Louie & I

Melissa (Erin's other sister), Me, Cassandra

Erin & I (what was I looking at)

Erin & I

The Cake - The filling was half chocolate pudding & half cannoli filling

Tom & I

The Groomsmen

October 24, 1992

2006-10-24T09:36:00.000-04:00

Today is the 14th anniversary of my bat-mitzvah. Wowie Zowie.

My theme for my party was amusement parks. It was the best party ever. I loved the balloon arch. I think my friends & I inhaled a great deal of helium that night. There was a fortune teller and balloon artist for the cocktail hour. My parents got a band. It was just amazing. Maybe I wll post some pictures later!

The dress that I wore to temple was purple. The dress for my party was purple. I want to fit into these dresses again someday. I was 12.5 years old. 5 feet tall & 140 lbs. I am now 5'3 and my goal weight is 130 lbs... so it could happen!

I was in 7th grade at The Middle School. Jeremy was my boyfriend. We were together for a year and half. I loved The Grateful Dead (I guess some things don't change.) Molly was/ still is my bestest buddy. Suzanne and I shared a passion for white rubber mice named harry and a love of The Beatles. I wanted to be an animator for Disney, doing backgrounds and special effects animation. This is still my dream.

I guess time flies, but not everything changes. I used to fear change. I wanted everything to stay the same. Well, fortunately I enjoy change now. It can be hard. But, it is important. I am not the same Marla I was 14 years ago. Some things are the same. But, I grew up and learned to love myself. I am more happy now, then ever before. I believe that things I experienced in my past helped to make me the person I am today. I love the Marla that I am today. I would never want to trade back... but I respect who I was and the choices I made. We can not change the past... but we can learn from it to better our future.

Happy bat-mitzvah anniversay Marla. Look how far you have come. Your future is bright! I am sooo proud of you.

Love,

Marla

Disney World

2006-10-12T12:13:00.000-04:00

The fam & I went to Disney World the week of Labor Day in September. We went in celebration of my weight loss (so far). I weighed 260lbs at the time of the trip, I think!

Of course I decide 2 days before we leave that I am going to use the bathroom on the plane... just to see if I fit. Why not, right? I had used the bathroom on a greyhound bus summer of 2005 & I almost got stuck in the doorway and I went in sideways!

So the day comes to go to Disney. We board the plane and guess what... Marla didn't need a seatbelt extender! I could pull that belt so that there was a bit of a tail! I didn't need it pulled all the way open. Halfway thru the flight I of course have to go potty. I walk down the aisle to the bathroom... Oh, yeah... I didn't bang against arm rests as I walked by. Not only did I fit in the bathroom, I had enough room to turn around and do a happy dance!!! It was soooo cool!

My buddy Paula knew I was planning on seeing if I could fit into the plane bathroom. So of course, I had to call her as soon as I got off the plane & tell her the good news! Nothing like good times on the phone with Paula!

So Disney rocked! I fit on every ride I wanted to go on! I am sooo a ride person & it had been so long. And I was able to walk... we walked miles each day. I am not saying it was totally easy as I am still heavy - But it was sooooo doable. It was hot & humid & I loved it. I was walking, sweating, having a blast, and just being me! I was living again! It was such a great trip. The new Aerosmith Rocking Rollercoaster - Rocked my world!

Of course on the flight home I used the plane bathroom too, just for kicks!

So behind...

2006-10-12T12:12:00.000-04:00

So even though I have been blogging, I neglected to post on some big things. How did that happen? Can I blame the gallbladder and the percocet?

3 little fishies

2006-10-05T08:46:00.000-04:00

Oh grandma... You know I wish I was seeing you and grandpa this weekend. I remember you watching me swim when I was little and you calling me a little fish. I remember you singing the 3 little fishies song & then teaching it me. I love The Andrew Sisters because of you. Oh the fun we had. I will always remember & love you!

I miss you lady! A million kisses!

Postponement

2006-10-03T19:38:00.000-04:00

It is taking longer then I thought to organize my thoughts for my heros series. I promise it is coming, so please stay tuned.

Surgery Re-cap

2006-10-03T19:33:00.000-04:00

So Momsie & Dadsie took me to the hospital on Friday. Anton (my cabbage patch kid) & I were ready. We all waited in the waiting room. Good thing I brought a book. Can't Wait to Get to Heaven, Fannie Flagg's new book. Oh my gawd I love her. Daisy Faye & The Miracle Man is one of my fav books. Finally, after an hour I was called. I changed into my johnnie... it was enormous! Put on my hospital issued socks, gave a urine sample, then I hopped onto my guerney with Anton.

Everyone that walked by asked me about him. He is a cutie. Then the anesthesiologist can by. Well, my mom arranged to have a family friend do it. Jeff has served as anesthesiologist for my brother's surgery, some for my mom & for my breast reduction. He is great! I told him that I have full faith in him. But, he needs to make sure that I stay asleep & wake up when I need too! He smiled!

Then Dr. B came and spoke to me. I told him I was fine & ready. Bring it on! I also told him I wasn't worried & that I had full faith in him. Then jokingly I told him to make me proud. He laughed and said I sounded like his dad! I asked Dr. B if I could take home any souvenirs from the surgery? He said he would send me home with some of my stones! I was all excited!

Next was the fun part. Trying to start my IV. Marla had/has no veins. I had bad veins before chemo. However, chemo killed whatever veins I had left. Only my left arm can be used. And, my veins have a mind of their own. I swear, that they roll out of the way of the imposing needle. Joan wrapped my arm in a hot towel for about 20 minutes. This helped. After a bit of waiting she found a vein. She injected some numbing stuff so I wouldn't feel the sting of the needle. She got the needle into the vein on the first try.! Wahoooo.

Then it was time to go into the ER!

I woke up in recovery very nauseaus! I was more nauseaus after GB. However, this was not a fun feeling! And I had some pain. I found out that I had no hernias and I only had 4 more little incisions! The nurse showed me my 2 stones. One seemed enormous! There is a reason I wanted to take them home. Will share that in a future post. After, a bit of time in recovery it was decided that I would spend the night at the hospital as I wasn't feeling well & looked a bit pale!

They brought me up to my room. I had a couple roomates. Then my parents came up. I gave them the container with my stones to take home. They were surprised by the size of the large one. I dosed a bit. Then went for a walk around the hallway. That felt good. Watched some tv. Then I called Molly (my bestest buddy) to let her know I was spending the night. Then it was time to call Buffy!

I was feeling pretty good. The morphine was working and I felt like chatting on the phone. So we chatted for a bit. I wanted to know how her medical stuff went! Then I asked for some apple juice and some crackers. They brought me some graham crackers. I felt better after I ate then drank!

I went for another walk around 12:30 am. Slept for a bit. In the morning the Dr. came by. Dr. B was off so one of the guys that works with him stopped by to see how I was doing! Then my IV was taken out. Which was nice since the site was starting to get sore. I gave myself a towel bath in the bathroom. Then I put my clothes on myself. Then I hung out till breakfast, watching tv. My parents came and hung out with me. I then found out I was going to be discharged after lunch to make sure I could keep down food. More tv watching and chatting with Momsie & Dadsie. Ate some lunch, then was cleared to go home!

Oh, I almost forgot. Anton got a hospital bracelet too. And he has steri-strips on him in the same spots as mine! I love that!

Prelude to the multi-part series on Marla's heros

2006-09-27T21:58:00.000-04:00

So I decided to post about my heros.

Mommie
Grandma Gladys
Golda Meir
Kaye
Kim
Gloria Steinheim

And last but not least, ME!

So over the next few days each of the aforementioned people will have a post decicated to them about why I consider them to be one of my personal heros!

Artist: Mariah Carey
Song: Hero Lyrics

There's a hero If you look inside your heart You don't have to be afraid Of what you are There's an answer If you reach into your soul And the sorrow that you know Will melt away

And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you

It's a long road When you face the world alone No one reaches out a hand For you to hold You can find love If you search within yourself And the emptiness you felt Will disappear

And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you

Lord knows Dreams are hard to follow But don't let anyone Tear them away Hold on There will be tomorrow In time You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you

The list

2006-09-21T12:35:00.000-04:00

So knowing I am going to have my gallbladder out got me thinking about all my other surgeries I have had in my 26 years on this planet!

1984 (4 yrs.) - Eye surgery. Had a mucle cut in my right eye I think. So it wouldn't turn in as much!

1985 (5 yrs.) - Tonsils & adenoids removed. Ear tubes put in.

1989 - 1991 - (9-11 yrs.) - Numerous operations on my right arm, due to my tumor!

1991 (11 yrs.) - My port for chemotherapy is removed.

1996 (16 yrs.) - Scar tissue removed from my elbow

1999 (19 yrs.) - Breast Reduction

2002 (22 yrs.) - Wisdom teeth removed

2006 (26 yrs.) - Gastric Bypass

2006 (26.5 yrs.) - Upcoming gallbladder removal

That is a pretty big list. Oh well! Nuthin' is worse then Chemo!!!!

I'm coming out - as sung by Marla's Gallbladder

2006-09-21T11:37:00.000-04:00

Howdie this is Marla's gallbladder writting to you.

Marla had her appointment with Dr. B. yesturday. Well, since I (Marla's gallbladder) am sick... I will be coming out! Dr. B.
thinks the issues with Marla are either gallbladder/ stones, a internal hernia, or a combination plate of the 2 - without the rice & eggroll! So Dr. B. is going to remove me from Marla's body & while he is in there he will check her insides (around the site of her GB) for hernias & if there are any, he will repair them!

Hopefully, I will be coming out next week. Marla is waiting to hear back from Nancy with the date and time of her surgery. She should know by the end of the week. I will make sure that Marla keeps y'all updated with all the details about my removal! Marla is glad Dr. B. is able to repair her! And she is happy that Dr. B. is confident that all can be repaired laproscopically!

Although, surgery is second nature to Marla @ this point in her life she is still just a wee bit nervous. She knows
that it is routine & she will be fine... I keep reminding her that nothing is worse then chemotherapy! I, the gallbladder of Marla will find a way to cheer her up! Don't worry about her, we have it under control!

Anyways, I should end this as Marla doesn't know I am using her laptop and she can get vicious when she gets mad!

Toodles,

GOM - Gallbladder of Marla

Gallbladder, what is it good for...

2006-09-19T22:48:00.000-04:00

I now present my ramblings on my Gallbladder...

So I spent last Wednesday night at the emergency room. I was in major pain. I did for a short period of time think that I was was dying. Turns out it could be my gallbladder. I was given morphine & anti nausea stuff too. I have had 2 other episodes like this one. Fun fun.

Well my bloodwork & CT scan came back a bit inconclusive, but good. I meet with my surgeon tomorrow (9.20.06)! So far the doctors I have talked to seem to think it is my gallbladder based on all my symptoms. I still have discomfort amongst other things but not nearly as bad as last week. But, I really feel like something is wrong with my body.

I know I have gallstones. I had an abdominal ultrasound 9.05 as part of my pre-op testing and it showed I had gallstones. Well, I begged my surgeon in NYC to take out my gallbladder but he didn't think it was necessary. He didn't' put me on actigall after my surgery either. When I moved back home & wound up in the follow up program at Salem Hospital I found out that all of the patients get put on actigall for six months post-op to help prevent gallstones. But, since I already had gallstones I wasn't put on it. Wahooo. Wish me luck. Join me later when I fill you in on the excitement of my appointment with my surgeon.

The NYC Trip

2006-09-19T21:57:00.000-04:00

So in the middle of August I went to NYC! I met up with 2 buddies from Purchase (The Leah's). To make this post easier When I refer to Leah, that is NY Leah. When I refer to Tex, that is Texas Leah. They are best friends and 2 of my closest friends from college.

So we decided on the NYC trip because Tex was taking the test to get into Med School & much celebrating would be in order after the test. So I went down on a Saturday morning. I met up with Leah @ the Hilton on sixth. From there we checked out the room & then went to get a bit to eat at the diner. We don't have diners in Massachusetts... So you can imagine that I get alittle excited for diner food. There is something magical about eating an egg white omelette with spinach & feta cheese in a NYC diner.

So after food, We headed over to Fifth ave. Marla needed to get a bag & we wanted to go to St. Pat's Cathedral. I had to go see my bag guy. But, I didn't really like his stuff. So I found the better guys & found me an off the truck Christian Dior Bag for $60. It is a candy apple red doctor style bag... kinda sorta. I love it.

Then Leah & I went to St. Pat's Cathedral. neither one of us had been. We lit candles & looked around. The architecture is amazing. I love cathedrals! The place is massively huge!

We then went to MOMA (Museum of Modern Art). Of course I dragged Leah to the Dada exhibit. Kurt Schwitters rocks my world. Then there is my love of LHOOQ, the piece Marcel Duchamp did of the Mona Lisa with a moustache. Good stuff, good times. We then went back to the Hilton to shower & relax.

Since we were upgraded to the concierge floor, we decided to check out the cocktail hour. They had appetizers, so we had a nosh (snack in yiddish). Then hung out in the room & waited for Tex. I hope she passed her test. Anyways, after a bit of relaxing Tex showed up, We finished getting ready & then we went out. We went Over to the Heartland Brewery @ the Empire State Building... but they stopped serving food and it was only 10:45pm. So we walked over to Stout by Penn Station. They had good stuff & they were playing great music. After Stout, we went to Siberia. A hole in the wall bar. A total dive. I felt sooo cool being there. I loved it.

We then called it a night. We needed to be weel rested as we were doing brunch at Lips the next day. Lips is the drag restaurant in the village that we used to go to a great deal. We all became pretty friendly with the Drag Queens there. One of my buddies works there so we went to see him. Good times were had by all. The last time I was at Lips was a month before surgery. So it was so great seeing my buddies who hadn't seen me since surgery.

Going to NYC again in January with Leah & Tex for my 1 year suriversary. We are doing 3 broadway shows & Lips wahoooo! Can't wait to have that frozen cosmo. Well, 5 sips of it cause I will never be able to drink a whole one again...tooo darn large!

And now for the other stuff. I took Greyhound Buslines there and back... I fit in one seat. We walked all over & I was fine. I felt like I belonged in NYC. I fit into the small booth @ the diner. While eating I got ketchup on my shirt. We were only a block away from the hotel, so I told Leah I was gonna change and would meet her at the bank across the street. I never would have done the extra walking before no matter how short a distance even to change my shirt. Too much effort. But, this time it was just second nature... I am gonna run & change my shirt. It was sooo great!

What are you going to do?

2006-09-01T10:29:00.000-04:00

Marla, you have lost 117lbs since your surgery & 127lbs from your heaviest weight... What are you going to do?

I AM GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!

I leave tomorrow morning & come back thursday night!

I am so excited. I will be going with Momsie, Dadsie, & brother Ethan!

Rain & stuff

2006-08-29T20:39:00.000-04:00

It never rains in northeastern massacusetts. Hmm so much for summer. Hello fall how are you. I love fall. It is my favorite season. When I get married... which will happen someday, I will have a fall wedding - October. 2 of my favorite holidays occur during fall - Halloween & Thanksgiving.

I think this year I might go as a sexy version of snow white...but I am not quite sure!! i am open to suggestions...So readers I am asking for your ideas as to what you think I should be for Halloween. Post your ideas in the comment section for this post!

So back to the rain. I am not ready for summer to be over! It iwas about 60 degrees in Boston today. I shirt with 3/4 length sleeves and my corduroy jacket. This is not normal August attire! Oh well!

Holy Shnykies Batman...

2006-08-29T20:29:00.000-04:00

How can I not have posted in almost 2 months! That isn't good at all! So much has happened, I need to catch y'all up.

The short version:

Survived New England summer

Lost 117lbs since surgery

Rejoined Jdate

Went kayaking for the first time in 16 years... kayaked for almost 2 hours

Bought a bra at Victoria's Secret

Went an a date... not so good

Getting ready for my Disney World trip

Have dates when I come back from Disney World

My stomach no longer sticks out further then my boobs

Oh and as some eye candy for my readers...here is what I look like now

My Theme Song

2006-07-04T21:24:00.000-04:00

This song has been my personal theme song for along time. I feel it is appropriate to repost it again in honor of my 6 month surgiversary!

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

Artist: ("Love is All Around" by Paul Williams) Lyrics
Song: Mary Tyler Moore Show Lyrics

Comments?

2006-07-04T21:17:00.000-04:00

So I know I have readers, but why does it seem that I don't get many comments? I really would love feedback on my blog, or questions or thoughts. All you have to do to leave a "comment", is click on the word comment underneath each post. You can comment on a specific post or on the blog in general or whatever you want.

6 month surgiversary = 7.3.06

2006-07-04T21:05:00.000-04:00

I made it to the 6 month point. Holy Shiznit! How did I get here? Like the Judy Collins song... Who knows where the time goes? I have lost a total of 106 lbs since surgery and 118 lbs from my heaviest weight. That is equal to a person. I now weigh 274 bs! I was 392 lbs last July and I weighed 380 lbs at the time of surgery. So bizarrely amazing!

Post surgery sizes:

Pants = 24
Tops = 18 (But my new tank tops are a 14/16
Panties = 18/20 (Lane Bryant)
Bra = 42 C

Pre surgery sizes:

Pants = 32
Tops = 26/28
Panties = 26/28 (Lane Bryant)
Bra = 48 C

I feel and look like a new person. It is only going to keep getting better. I am so glad I made the choice to have this operation. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I completely got my life back. I can do things now that I haven't done in years!! I am just so happy. I can't weight to see what happens to me during the next six months. My journey so far as been amazing & I look forward to riding it out till the end.

Getting Skinny

2006-07-04T21:01:00.000-04:00

So i am now able to sit inbetween 2 people on the subway. I never thought that would happen. So crazy. But, it is so cool. I went to the Festival of The Arts today with the fam. Good times. We probably walked 2 miles & I had a good time even though it was humid. I never went last summer. When you weigh 392 lbs you don't get out much in the humidity. And I wasn't that cranky. : )

Happy Belated Birthday Grandma!

2006-06-15T12:58:00.000-04:00

I have been debating on writing this post. Not sure whether I wanted to our not. For those of you who actually have the pleasure of knowing me...You know there is a lot of stuff I am just starting to share. So, with that in mind I thought this post might be therapeutic for me!

Tuesday June 13, 2006 would have been my grandmother's 83rd birthday. She died one month before I turned 15 in 1995. Not the best thing to happen me freshman year @ MHS. Anyways, my grandma and I were incredibly close. She was my best friend. She was the only person I ever really felt understood me. You'll will understand more as you keep reading. Don't worry Molly, you have always been and will always be my other half!! But, it was just different with my grandmother.

She died from breast cancer that spread. What made it worse for me was the fact that she too went through chemotherapy & radiation treatment. Although our illnesses were different we had to have the same treatment. This made us that much closer. When she died, I couldn't handle it and completely shut down. I call it my nervous breakdown. However, that might not be the best way to label it.

It was so much more then letting myself go. I shut down & shut off. It took time & therapy to be able to get my life back together. I will never get over the fact that my grandmother was taken away from me & I will always hold that grudge against gawd. However, I got my life back. My grandmother would have been so upset if she knew I was like that after she died. And, I so glad I am at the point I am at. Because, I know she is watching out for me & glowing with pride and happiness at how well her Marla is doing. I am now about to start crying... dang it.

Happy belated birthday dear sweet Gladys. I miss you lady but I know you are watching out for me every day. A million kisses!

Working Girl

2006-06-15T12:55:00.000-04:00

I got a new job!!!! Wahoo. It was offered to me on Monday & I offically accepted the postition on Tuesday. It is for a non-profit in Boston. I will be contract for 4 months, then I will go full-time. I will be getting health benefits once I go full time. My Salary for full time employment is the same as I was making in NYC. Very exciting. This is really the year of the Marla. More good things to look forward too!

Fat School Graduate

2006-06-15T12:47:00.000-04:00

So on Tuesday of this week I graduated from the 12 week Heart & Wellness gastric bypass follow up group. I earned that t-shirt. I am a little sad that I won't be at Shaughnessy on Tuesday mornings now. However, atleast I have my NOC meetings to look forward to with my girls!! I can't believe that July 3rd will be my 6 month anniversary. I never thought I would be doing as well as I am so soon. I feel great.

The Amazing Marla

2006-06-02T23:45:00.000-04:00

I can perform magic. Seriously I can. I able to cross my legs. Either one of them. The last time I remember being able to cross my legs was at my bat-mitzvah when I was 12. I was sitting on the bimah at my temple during the reading of the torah. Funny story. Because, my legs were crossed you could see up my dress. So Rabbi Goldberg came over and told me I should uncross them. My mom mouthed that to me as well!

I can cross my legs again. Other magic tricks I can perform include:

• Adjusting the driver's seat in my car without stopping the car and opening the door

• Being able to pick up things that fall at my feet while driving without stopping the car and opening the door

• My thigh no longer touches the door while sitting behind the wheel of my car. In addition, I now fit on the seat

More good things to come. I can't wait. Bring'em on!

Random Lump = Cancer

2006-06-02T23:33:00.000-04:00

This happened like 3 weeks ago, but it is still funny. Typical Marla being dumb behavior!! I submit the following story for your entertainment.

I was in bed trying to fall asleep. I wind up scratching an itch around the base of my neck. Well, I fell a huge lump. Me being me...I start to panic a little. I sit up and proclaim, "Holy shit, I have cancer!" I keep feeling the lump & pondering waking up my parents to take me to the ER @ Salem Hospital. I have my feet on the floor ready to go wake them up, when I decided to check out the other side. I have a lump there too. Then the light bulb goes off.... I HAVE COLLAR BONES! Silly Marla.

Run Marla Run

2006-06-02T23:22:00.000-04:00

So, I ran the other day! Very weird. Fat people don't run & yet my 287 lb body was running. I was at the mall working the other day when the running took place. Long story short, I ran after a customer to suggest a product to him. So I suggested to the manager on that I would run after him. I took the product and off I went.

Not only was I running, I was running in my birkenstocks. Alas, I never found the guy. However, I ran like 200 feet and didn't pass out or run. Should I reiterate that fat people don't run. I was alittle out of breathe, but not huffing & puffing in a bad way. 911 did not need to be called and I was able to walk back to where I work! Go Marla!!!

Send happy vibes to Tamalamba

2006-06-02T08:39:00.000-04:00

So my buddy Tammy is having surgery today @ NSMC... I am asking all of my readers to send happy, positive vibes to Tammy!!!
Good luck Tamalamba!!

The things I say

2006-05-31T19:21:00.000-04:00

Well, my epiphany today was that as of now, I have probably lost a seventh grader. I think 93 lbs = a seventh grader. If I loose all the weight that I want to, either 250 lbs or 270 lbs... I will be loosing a morbidly obese person. That is f 'ing insane! I will shed a morbidly obese person at the end of all this madness. Silly Marla.

Mirror, Mirror

2006-05-31T17:53:00.000-04:00

Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all? Why of course you are Princess Marla! Not only are you beautiful, but are you smart, talented, & gosh darn it people like you!!!

There's a moose in your house

2006-05-30T23:26:00.000-04:00

So I hung out with one of my fat school buddies this evening (Tuesday). It was game night with some of her friends. Yours truly was invited. It was a blast seeing Tammy outside of fat school. Her friends were great. Good food, good people, good times!!!

Tammy cooked yummy food. That cornbread was amazing! Wowzer! Anyways, when Tammy emails me the recipe I will try to replicate it. We played a fun game called There's a moose in your house. The directions were rather complicated. Hey, I studied art in school & am from the 'head. At least, I am able to hold my cards. Once we got through the first game things were looking up and we actually got the hang of it. All in all, I think a good time was had by all!

Things that Princess Marla can now do!!

2006-05-29T20:22:00.000-04:00

So here is an update to a previous post about things I was looking forward to doing after surgery! Here is a list of things I am able to do.

• Rideable video games

• Sit comfortably in the back seat of a car & be able to use the seat belt

• Walk much more then a block before getting winded

• Shave my legs easily

• Sit on the ground & get up

• Get up from the couch without issue

But, I truly can't wait to go to Canobie Lake & go on rides!!! i am also looking forward to getting on a bike again. Once I loose 40 more pounds I will be able to ride my bike. Watch out!

Quarters, Raspberry Sherbert, & Dancing Monkeys

2006-05-28T23:12:00.000-04:00

The weather today was fantabulous. I was able to leave work early and truly enjoy the beautiful weather. I had made plans with Ethan (my brother) to go to The Willows and frolic! I love it there. It is just so much fun! And now that I weigh significantly less, it is far more easier to frolic!

Loads of quarters were spent in the arcade. The arcade is my favorite place to be at The Willows! I am big fan of rideable video games...like the ones were you are skiing. Well, let's just say that it is so much easier to do these. Also, I am able to fit in the seats for the race car ones!! YIPPPEEEE!!!

I am so happy. I can't wait to go tot Canobie Lake this summer. I haven't had an amusement park fix in years. I have been way to heavy to go on rides. But, not this summer. I can go on roller coasters again. YIPPPEEEE!!! Anyways, so Ethan & I did a bunch of video games, the motion simulator ride, pin ball, and some games where you win tickets!! Good times.

The Dancing Monkey thing is the best. You put in a quarter and the monkeys in the box dance. THEY ARE NOT REAL MONKEYS! Some play little instruments too. I have always loved this. When I was little I used to dance when the monkeys danced. We danced together. Well today a little girl & her parents were dancing with the monkeys. Ethan & I did too, on the sidelines. So much fun!

I wanted to go on the carousel, however Ethan did not. I also forgot how little it was. But, it would have been fun. Oh well, I will go on the one at Canobie Lake! I did get some raspberry sherbert. I got a kiddie size cup and didn't even eat a quarter of it. Thankfully Ethan finished it along with his popcorn. The sherbert was so good. It didn't cause me to dump either...BONUS!!! It was nice to have something frozen and sweet while at The Willows! I never would have gotten sherbert before. I would have gotten ice cream with stuff it and jimmies. However, I definitely can't eat more then a bite of that now. That is fine, because I am looking so good. Can't wait to go back to The Willows. Maybe during the Week!

The physics of my bum!

2006-05-28T00:30:00.000-04:00

I have come to the conclusion that my bum has dropped. I know that you are asking yourself, "what on earth is Marla talking about?" Allow me to explain.

My bum used to be a whole lot larger then it is presently & used to be halfway up my back!

I know this because I could get away with wearing pants with an average inseam...cause my bum filled up so much of them. I can't do that anymore because I have far less bum. Also, my bum has dropped into the location of where it should be normally. Very exciting. I don't have as much junk in my trunk...so I am not as high up when I sit. For example, my mom is 2 inches taller then me; however when seated I was taller then her due to all the junk in my trunk. Hence, my bum has dropped.

I am greatly enjoying this. Pants fit the way they should. Low rise jeans land where they should, because my bum dropped. I am loving this although it is still rather bizarre! But, hey my bum dropped into place so I can't really complain!

A Marla theme song

2006-05-25T23:21:00.000-04:00

Because of "my arm," this song is one of my theme songs. But, it also gives my strength.

Doctors have come
from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving what they're seeing

they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation

newspapers ask
intimate questions
what confessions
they reach into my head
to steal the glory
of my story

they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"

people see me
I'm a challenge
to your balance
I'm over your heads
how I confound you
and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as you see you can offer me
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"

Wonder
Natalie Merchant

Back in the land of Blog!!

2006-05-25T22:57:00.000-04:00

Gawd, I haven't blogged in about 2 months. That is not good. I need to mantain my blogging regularly. Anyways...Time to bring y'all up to snuff.

As of Tuesday... I have lost 88lbs since surgery on 1.3.06 and and lost 100lbs since my heaviest weight of 392lbs last July. I now weigh in @ 291.4 lbs. The black & white photo is from the other day and the "wedding photo" is from last July when I was at my heaviest.

It is so strange to see the difference between the photos. I still can't believe how much I let myself go. But, that is part of why I have been seeing my therapist again,. Lots of things to deal with. I have come to realize that my life hasn't been that easy in many ways and that certain things I did really suited their purpose. I am just grateful that I woke up and did something to change my life NOW! I don't want to think about what would have been had I not done this.

Anyways, I will defiinitely be blogging regularly again about my journey with gastric bypass. Just make sure to leave comments.

I am a loser!

2006-03-13T18:50:00.000-05:00

I have now lost 55 lbs. 25 lbs till 300...WOW!! Although I am in my 9th week post-op, this is experience has been bizarrely surreal! It is truly amazing. I love getting my life back. Each new day is exciting. I haven't been this happy in sooo long! I need to start posting pictures.

So True

2006-02-22T01:38:00.000-05:00

Reflection Christina Aguilera

Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
Whats inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection
Someone I dont know

Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I wont pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time

When will my reflection show
who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

Age & Life

2006-02-19T12:44:00.000-05:00

I came to a conclusion a long time ago that age is nothing but a number. It is all about how you feel. If you feel young, you are young. If you feel old, you are old. I came to this conclusion when my grandfather turned 90 (approach. 7 years ago). He did not look his age. You see my Opa (German for grandpa) was an amazing person. He lived till a few weeks prior to his 97 birthday. He passed August 2004.

My Oma had died July 1998. Since then he was living on his own, driving (even though he shouldn't have), going out, etc. He was a total social butterfly and the life of the party. He was the youngest 90 year old person I knew. He died the way he wanted to; in his house, in his slept, with hospice care.

He felt young, therefore he was young.

There are a few exceptions to this theory. A boy must be 13 to have his Bar-Mitzvah, a girl can be either 12 or 13. You must be 16 to get your drivers permit in Massachusetts. You want to vote, buy cigarettes, and/ or porn...you must be 18. Wanna buy that 6-pack of beer? You need to be 21. Need to rent a car, you must be 25.

I just turned 26 on Friday. I don't feel any different. I feel great & young, but adult at the same time. So I did some math. I added the digits of my age together to come up with my actual age. 2 + 6 = 8. 8 seems about right!!

I am the Birthday Princess

2006-02-17T19:51:00.000-05:00

So today 2.17.80 is my birthday!! I am 26 years old!!! WOW. This is my year. The year of Marla. There is so much I hope to achieve and accomplish this year. And, I know I will!! I am so excited. It is hard to believe I am almost 2 months post-op (3.3.06). I truly have been given a new beginning. It is so amazing.

I am going out with some friends tonight. My family and I will celebrate my birthday the first week in March when my brother will be home for his Spring Break!!! My birthday festivities will be Saturday the 25th as 2 friends are away! Dinner at a mexican restaurant, cozmic bowling, and then hanging out a bar. I can never just celebrate my birthday in one day. Many of celebration are required.

Looking back over the last 26 years:

I remember:

learning logo on a green screen brown box apple computer in kindergarten (1985)

life before answering machines, call waiting, caller id, cell phones

boxy cell phones when they first came out

tape players in cars

no cds

WOW and so much more, but I am saving that for another post.

Oh my goodness...

2006-02-12T14:27:00.000-05:00

So, I can not believe I haven't blogged in about a month. Oh my! So much has happened, I can't believe I haven't bloggeed. I had my month follow up feb. 3. Everything went well I was done 36 since pounds since surgery. Now I am down a bit more then 50 lbs and it hasn't even been 2 months yet. So exciting to be below 350. My face is getting thinner and my jeans are getting bigger. I am able to wear pants that I haven't worn in about a year. It is so crazy.

I was diagnosed with osteo arthritis in my left knee. I have some lovely bone on bone action going on in my knee cap. I am going to go to physical therapy & recieve visco (lubrication shots in the knee cap). I am too young for a knee transplant. It seems that in 10 years I will probably need one. My weight doean't help. But, I busted my knee 10 years at camp and an injury makes you prone to osteo arthritis. Wahooooooo!!!!! Nuthin' I can't handle though.

It turns out that for every pound you weigh, it is 4 pounds of pressure on your knees. When I weighed 392 over the summer that equals 1600 lbs of pressure on my knees. I have lost about 50 pounds. Therefore, I have lost 200 lbs of pressure on my knees. I want to weigh 14O lbs with a net loss of 250 lbs. When I reach my goal weight it will be a loss of 1000 lbs of pressure from my knees. I love crazy math.

I picked up my parents extra car today from the bodyshop. It is the car they let me drive. My parents & I were rear eneded by an 18-wheeler truck on 95 in Stamford, CT almost 3 weeks ago. We are all fine. Thank Gawd!!!! Wowzer. We were all pretty sore. It happened driving home from my follow up appt. in NYC. I really thought we were dead. When I realized that my parents and I were fine, my first thought was that it would really if I diead in a car wreck 1 month after gastric bypass. BUT we are fine, and we have the extra car back. I love that 2005 Chevy Impala.

First Post-Op Weekend Back in the 'head

2006-01-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

Saturday I didn't do to much as it was my first full day home and I was exhausted. I cleaned my room a bit and did the treadmill. I hung out with my brother as he is still on break from school. He goes back today. He is a junior in the film program @ Emerson. He has a kick ass apartment 4 blocks from campus. But, enough about that. What else did I do on Saturday? Oh, a family friend came over to see me. Good times. She had an open Gastric Bypass 2 years ago.

I had a very funny conversation with my mom. I was taking to her about the very thoughtful presents I had received including flowers, and my mom asked me if I had the surgery for the presents? Now I must say I am a JAP (Jewish American princess)! I am however a whole lot better with it then when I was younger. Although I am a JAP, I am no longer a spoiled brat. I told my mom that I did the surgery for me, but that presents are a nice bonus!!! Prior to surgery I had thought about the notion of getting presents. Who wouldn't? My mom & I had a good laugh with that!!

Sunday I didn't get up till noon (only 13 hours of sleep). Marla was exhausted! Did the treadmill. Hung out with my brother. Watched my mom bake and frost my brother's birthday cake. It didn't bother me at all. I know I can't eat it & that was fine. SHOCKING!!!! My brother is turning 21 on the 23. He will be in school for his birthday. Although Boston is only 30 minutes away, it was easier to celebrate will he was home on break. The big party will be in February when I can eat solid food. My parents are going to us to The Medieval Manor -Theater & Restaurant in Boston. So exciting. Since my birthday is 3 weeks after my brothers we will celebrate both.

We also went to see Spielberg's Munich! I thought it was brilliant. WOW...just WOW!! The actress who played Golda Meir was great. She really portrayed Golda's tough & compassionate persona! FYI: The actress who played Golda Meir was Miranda's housekeeper on Sex and the City!!!!

Today: Monday I am going with my dad to drop my brother off at his apartment. Then my dad and I are going to Costco and CVS so I get some stuff. I think we are going to go to the movies again tonight. Hopefully we will see either Casanova or Tristan & Isolde!! My family are big movie people. We were this way even before I brother became a film student!

'nuthin is worse then chemotherapy

2006-01-16T11:34:00.001-05:00

So I came back home to Massachusetts on Friday afternoon. So great to be back home albeit my parent's house. But, I love my parents. I am truly lucky that my parents are also my friends. My parents are just so cool. Through this whole journey they have totally been supportive. Without them and my friends I don't know how I would have gotten through this.

The same holds true when I was 9 and did my stint with chemo & radiation. Gawd, chemo fucking sucks. Gastric Bypass is a breeze compared to chemo. Who wants toxins pumped into their body? I was walking skeleton. But, I must say I was truly beautiful bald. Thank god I didn't have cancer. I had/ have a rare benign tumor (Aggressive Fibromatosis). So rare there is no cure, just amputation of the limb. Radiation stopped it from growing and I still have my arm!! I was lucky!

Everyone said I was brave. I wasn't brave. I just wanted to get through it and past it. I am a big believer in facing challenges and working through them. In fact I love a good challenge. Believe me, I have had my fair share! My motto is suck it up and deal. Sometimes you just have to.

Well, now people are telling me that I am brave because I had Gastric Bypass. Doing what needs to be done, doesn't make me brave. Atleast not in my opinion. I needed help. I needed to do something. And I did.

'nuthin is worse then chemotherapy!!!!

Back & 12 lbs. Lighter

2006-01-13T23:46:00.000-05:00

Howdie y'all. I am back!! The last 2 weeks have been insanely bizarre! But, nonetheless amazing!! As, you all know I had my surgery on 1.3.05. I am almost 2 weeks post-op, yipppeeeee!!!! Sorry, I haven't posted in awhile. But, I was staying with my parents @ a family friends house in New Jersey. I had my surgery done in Manhattan. But, now I am home in Massachusetts!! Oh so exciting!!

The surgery went well, I guess. It was done laproscopically. There was a 10% chance my surgeon was going to have to perform an open. HE DIDN'T. It took 5.5 hours because of the size of my liver. I didn't loose all the weight my surgeon wanted me to. He took his time and was very slow and cautious. But, he told my parents and I the surgery would be about 4 hours. No one came out to tell my parents that it would be longer. Needless, to say my parents thought I had died or I was being sliced like a fish!

I spent 4 hours in recovery. My back hurt so bad I thought I was going to be paralyzed. And, I was so nauseas. I have had numerous operations and never had a reaction like this. I was transferred to my room at about 10:15pm. At which point I told my nurse I wanted to get up and go for a walk. She looked at me funny & told me that I didn't have to get up that night. I told that I wanted to get up and walk. And, I did. It felt wonderful.

I was discharged Thursday 1.5.06 and went down to South Jersey to recuperate. Monday 1.9.06, I had my one week follow-up appointment. All went well. I was down 12 lbs. I was slightly dehydrated and couldn't start pureed foods until I could get all my fluids in. This has been a big challenge. I haven't been in my own house. Was unable to create my own schedule. So I have been pushing protein shakes & fluids. By Sunday I will fully be doing pureed foods.

Starting weight - 392 lbs
Weight @ surgery - 380 lbs
1.9.06 - 368 lbs

P.S. As of 5pm Friday 1.13.05, I am back home. Love being back in my parent's house!!!!

3-2-1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2006-01-01T18:07:00.000-05:00

It's gonna be a happy New Year. It is the year of Marla. I can not wait till Tuesday!!! Well, let me share with you how I spent my New Year's Eve.

I was alone in my place in Manhattan, CLEANING!!! I was supposes to go to a friend's party out on Long Island but I canceled that. Too much to do before surgery on Tuesday!! I dumped 14 bag of trash!! I now have a floor again. It is very exciting!!!

I watched the ball drop on TV. I couldn't watch Dick Clark. I feel so bad for him having that stroke. His speech isn't 100% yet, and watching him just made me sad. So I watched my favorite TV guy, REGIS PHILBIN!!! It was a very exciting 1.5 hours with Regis!!

I had an epiphany at about 11:45 pm last night. I was in Manhattan, 10 blocks away from where the ball drops in Times Square & I was watching this on TV. It made me chuckle and smile. The bonus was I had access to a bathroom. And was warm.

The rules for New Year's Eve in Times Square:

Once you go through security you can not leave your section for any reason and come back!! You are stuck.

No alcohol

People started going through security at 1:30 in the afternoon. There are no port -a-potties. The is way to long for me to be without and be standing in out spot freezing cold. Hence, I watched it on TV.

My next post will include my resolutions for the New Year! To tired to do it now. I hope everyone has a fantabulous & healthy 2006.

Getting Sliced on Tuesday January 3, 2006

2005-12-30T18:53:00.000-05:00

All is a go!!! I didn't speak to my surgeon today as planned (he had an emergency surgery to perform). However, I spoke to the receptionist, who told me that he told her all is a go!!

Yipppeeee. I am so excited.

Surgery is scheduled for 11:30 am. Can't wait!!

I am SOON TO BE A FORMER FAT GIRL!!!

Random Marla Factoids

2005-12-29T23:32:00.000-05:00

The Wizard of Oz is my all time favorite movie

Dusty Springfield's Son of a Preacher Man is my favorite song

I like reality tv - I love the Real World & American Idol

I watch or have watched: American Idol, The Simple Life, The OC, Laguna Beach, Made, Daisy Does America, as well as others.

I truly love watching the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on Christmas Eve

I have been known to put ketchup on everything. It makes a great dip

I love Saturday Night Live - Molly Shannon was one of my fave cast members

I have seen the movie Back to the Beach 54 times

I saw Wayne's World 7 times when it came out in theaters

I had a crush on Ferris Bueller

I hate panty hose

I hate having my period

I failed my driver's license test the first time

At 25, I still don't like being in the basement of my parent's house at night by myself

I still sleep with my cabbage patch kid Anton

Every surgery I have had since I got Anton (I was four), he has been in the OR with me. When I have my Gastric Bypass he will come with me too.

I think Sean Connery is HOT

If I were married I would have an affair with Pierce Brosnan

Robert Redford is beautiful & Paul Newman has amazing eyes. We need to give Paul Newman's eyes to Robert Redford. That would be a beautiful man.

I actually like matzah

I hate gefilte fish & lox (smoked salmon)

I am still a virgin

I sleep naked

I had my first kiss @ 15 while at summer camp. The boy's name was Andy Becknal, and he was from Kentucky. He was adorable. We both had Doc Martens.

At one time my family had 9 guinea pigs. Lots of babies.

When I get a dog, I will name him Nigel

I admire my brother Ethan

I am envious of the fact that my brother is 6'4" and weighs 160 lbs.

I wear fur and love it. - Animals aren't just for food

I will buy a pair of Jimmy Choo's and Manolo's one day

I do not pick my nose

I love to drive

My favorite drink is Diet Coke with Malibu Rum and a lime - but I have given up diet soda and alcohol prior to Gastric Bypass

I have gone through Chemotherapy & Radiation

I had a wig but never wore it. I viewed wearing it as making people aroun d me comfortable and @ 10 years old going through chemo I didn't want to do that.

My arm was supposed to be amputated when I was 9.

I weigh 380 lbs & I am SOON TO BE A FORMER FAT GIRL

Things that make you go hmmm.

2005-12-29T22:37:00.000-05:00

So my surgery is scheduled for Tuesday (5 days away). I am down 12 lbs. My surgeon wanted me to loose 20-25lbs. Since he has office hours tomorrow, that means I get to call him bright and early in the morning. They way I see it is this I can definitely loose 3 pounds by Tuesday. However if I am doing clear liquids for 48 hours prior to surgery and a bowel prep wouldn't that give me another 2 lbs at least??

Which would be about a 5 lbs and a net loss of 17 lbs. Hopefully, I am correct in my thinking! If not, my surgery will be in 2-3 weeks which isn't so bad. I am so close. I know that either way it will definitely be happening this month. I am SO excited. I truly can not wait to start my new life.

New motto that is getting me through:

If it was easy for me to loose weight, I wouldn't have considered having Gastric Bypass.

And my personal motto:

I am the strongest person I know!

Santa didn't bring this Jew Girl toys!

2005-12-29T22:08:00.000-05:00

Hi my name is Marla. I am Jewish & NO I DO NOT GET A PRESENT FOR EACH OF THE 8 NIGHTS OF CHANUKAH!!! I truly enjoy Chanukah. Allow me to elaborate on some things:

- I do not have Christmas tree, have never had one, and will never have one.

- I don't have a Chanukah bush either. Will never have one.

- I did have my photo taken while on Santa's lap. I was about six. I was in Boston with my dad. I had to go to the hospital to have a bone scan of my arm. They inject with you with dye so that your insides show up in different colors on a monitor. Unfortunately, you need to wait about an hour or 2 from injection till scan so the dye can travel through your veins. Well, I had/ have really bad veins. Long story short, I was held down by 2 nurses so that they could use a vein at the bottom of my foot. Horrible pain. They aren't allowed to use the bottom of feet anymore. Well after my dad and I had time to kill so we went to Filene's in Downtown Crossing. I think my dad felt really bad that I was in so much pain and traumatized, that he let me have my picture taken with Santa. Was fun though!!

- While growing up, my family did Chanukah gift giving in one night. My father owned (has since retired) a retail bike store. As, he couldn't be home each night of Chanukah we did gifts all in one night. No, we did not each get 8 gifts. Birthdays are a bigger deal in my family.

- I have a Menorah. I truly enjoy lighting the candles. NO, my parents do not let my brother and I make a wish & blow out the candles.

- Chanukah Harry does not exist. He does not bring good Jewish boys and girls presents. YOUR PARENTS GIVE YOU PRESENTS FOR CHANUKAH! He exists only in a Saturday Night Live skit. Which was hilarious by the way! And no, contrary to popular belief Chanukah Harry is not dating the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy!!

Chanukah was good to me this year.

List of Presents:

Parents- A really cool hair thing with rhinestones and a great black beaded bracelet.

Ethan (brother) - Urban Outfitters Room Spray (Honeysuckleish) and a rose bath bomb, complete with petals.

Molly - World Poker Tour Plug & Play Texas Hold'em, a journal, and a coloring book (of the movie Madagascar) & crayons to bring with me to the hospital.

Sarah - Black clutch purse (shockingly I didn't have one) & Shalom gum!!

Ali - heroes of the Torah (the set of 4) drinking glasses!

Kelly - Monkey alarm clock (yes it makes monkey noises), a handmade necklace, a handmade purse, a t-shirt, and lotion from her parents. It smells like buttercream frosting. So good.

Nan- A truly awesome bracelet!

And I still have to exchange gifts with some NY friends as I was in Boston for the Holidays. Fun Fun!! I have done very well so far though!!

MARLA'S RANTS ON THE NYC TRANSIT STRIKE 0F 2005!

2005-12-22T17:23:00.001-05:00

Oh my F ' ing gawd! For my readers who don't know: I was living and working in Manhattan. I was laid off in October due to lack of work. Not a big deal, because the company is paying my health insurance through the end of March 2006. I from Boston, so I have been traveling back and forth between my place in Manhattan and my parent's house. I am in the slow process of moving back home after my surgery.

Well, as I had pre-admission testing on Tuesday at my hospital in NYC I was there for the start of the transit strike. I arrived back in NYC Monday afternoon hoping that the strike would not occur. I stayed up till midnight to find out that the transit workers were going on strike at 3 am!!

I will now explain my dealings with the ramifications of the strike on tuesday & wednesday, then I will rant!

Tuesday I had to be at the hospital at 7:30 am. I woke up at 5:30 am not knowing what to expect with the strike. I left my building at 6:30 am to attempt to get a cab. By 6:40 I was in a cab, and learning about the modified fare changes. Well, long story short this is what I learned:

To travel below 96th street (between 5am and 11 am) all cars and cabs need four people. The driver of the cab counts as one of the four.

When you enter a cab you are charged a flat $10 to travel within that zone. When and if you cross into another zone it is $5. So if you travel within three zones it is $20.

Okay no big deal I was happy to get a cab. It cost me $20 to get the hospital. Normally it is $12 and change prior to the tip. Well all the cabs are stopping and picking up additional passengers to follow that 4 person rule. Still not a big deal. By 7 am I was at the hospital. The ride takes about 20 minutes.

I left the hospital at 10:30, got a cab right away although traffic was horrid. I didn't get home till 2 hours later. My hospital is above 96 street. And when I enter the cab there are already 2 other passengers. The cab couldn't go below 96 street as it was before 11am without 3 passengers. The girl got into the cab at 9 am. The male passenger got into the cab at 10 am and I got into the cab at 10:30. Thank gawd we were all going below 96 street. At one point it took 30 minutes to go from 114 street to 110 street. Only 4 blocks!! No wonder it took that cab 2 hours to get me back to my place. OY VEY!!!!

Yesterday (wednesday) I was coming back to Boston on Greyhound. Such the drama. Fortunately I was smart enough to take the 7am bus instead of the 8am bus I normally take. I got up at 4:30 am, left my building at 5:30 am. Went to the ATM on the corner, was able to get a cab right away. Got to Port Authority without issue. The bus leaves at 7am.... normally the start of rush hour. We take the Lincoln tunnel in to jersey instead of driving uptown. We never would have gotten out of Manhattan. Once out of the tunnel, we hop on the garden state and drive towards the GW bridge, to get into the Bronx because that is how you go on 95. Gawd, it took 2 hours. One hour of which was waiting to get to and over the bridge. N ormally the whole thing would take 40 minutes.

Well I made it to Boston in one exhausted piece. The strike better be over when I go back to NYC on Wednesday.

7 miliion people without mass transit. In the middles of winter, so very very wrong. The strike is illegal under the Taylor law and they union broke the court ordered indjuction not to strike. Silly people, management and employees will all be fined, some employees will be fired and some management will go to jail. Silly people.

Drivers in NYC are dumb. They honk during gridlock even when the light is red. They block the intersections just because the have a green light.

I am done ranting. Hopefully it will be over soon. I think the union and mta are resuming talks today about getting the workers back to work and resuming contract negotiations. Thank gawd!

I am a loser!

2005-12-22T16:50:00.000-05:00

I lost 4 lbs!!!! WAHOOO! Ok, so here is the deal. I am down about 9-10 out of the 20-25 lbs that my surgeon wants me to loose. They haven't told me that they need to reschedule the surgery again. Thank gawd!! Anyways, I am going next week to get weighed as my surgery is planned for Tuesday January 3. I am shootoing for an 8 lb loss this week. I just nee to keep busting my ass and everything will work out. I am getting soooo excited!!

Back in the land of Blog!!

2005-12-19T05:00:00.000-05:00

So I took a break from my blog for a bit. That can be viewed as a good thing or a bad thing. I have gotten over my surgery being rescheduled. It really isn't that big of a deal. I have waited this long. I might as well wait a bit longer if it decreases my risk. All in all I am going to have this done. My feeling is if I could loose any amount of weight easily, I wouldn't have even considered gastric bypass. I just can't believe I have stayed the same weight for about 3 months.

Atleast I didn't gain weight. I was able to stop rapidly gaining. So that is an indirectly a plus. Once, I have the surgery it won't matter that my surgery date was originally postponed. All that will matter is that I will have had it done.

I go on Tuesday for another fun filled day of pre-admission testing. Gotta love peeing in a cup and getting blood drawn. Such a pain in my large ass. I have no veins. You can't draw blood from my right arm and to make it even better I had chemotherapy when I was 9 and my veins are basically shot now from it. OH, and I hate needles. I would rather pee in a cup every single day for the rest of my life, then get blood drawn. So, far no medical professional has accepted that offer.

Last time I went to pre- admission testing I got a 95% on my test. On Tuesday I will get a 100% because I now know the correct answer. Too bad that don't let you keep the test, I want to put it on my parent's refridgerator! I am such a baby with stuff like that. I will 26 in Feb. and I want to put my test on the fridge! Oh well!

I just hope I have lost some weight or they will postpone my surgery again. OY VEY!!! Wish me luck & please send me loose weight happy vibes!! :) I am going to bed and dream about the weight loss fairy!

Rescheduled Surgery For Moi

2005-12-03T14:34:00.000-05:00

So my surgery has been rescheduled. Tuesday January 3, 2006 is the new day. I went for pre-admission/ pre-op testing last Tuesday. I haven't lost enough weight. So that is why my surgery is being postponed. All is good though. it really isn't a big deal. In the words of Emril, it's time to kick it up a notch.

F ' ing Pissed

2005-11-29T18:00:00.000-05:00

So I went to the hospital today for all my pre-admission pre-op testing. So much to do. There was a refresher with the nurese practioner and the nutrtionist. In addition, there was weigh-in, bloodwork, anesthia talk, meet with a nurse, ekg and a chest xray. Oh, yeah we had a to tke a test. I scored a 95 out of 100. KICKASS!!

However, did I loose 20 lbs. Nope!!! I stayed the same. I have stayed the same for 2 months. Don't get me wrong, this is good. This is far better then gaining. But, now I don't know if they will postpone my surgery. I started crying when I saw the scale. I spoke to the nutrtionist. She is going to talk to my surgeon. Gawd, what am I gonna do. I can't loose 20 lbs in 13 days. I feel completely f 'cked. I feel like crying again. Please keep youir fingers crossed for me!! i want this more than anything. I just hope it works out. I have worked to hard for this. I am not giving up!!!

The good news, I don't feel like eating. That is a total positive. 6 months ago, I would've eaten over this. But, I have come to far to revert to old behavior.

My Theme Song

2005-11-27T15:58:00.000-05:00

Everyone needs a theme song. This is mine.

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after al

Artist: ("Love is All Around" by Paul Williams) Lyrics
Song: Mary Tyler Moore Show Lyrics

Emotional Basketcase

2005-11-27T14:20:00.000-05:00

So I have completely lost it. Those of you that know me are questioning if I had to begin with. However, I really lost it now. I have become an emotional wreck. I am totally excited about my upcoming surgery. But, in addition to being excited I am also experiencing every possible emotion.

I am scared, nervous, sad, excited, happy, optimistic, etc. I know I will be fine. I have had surgery before, so that doesn’t scare me. I have been through chemo & radiation. I feel that there is nothing worse than chemo. (That is my personal motto.) I was so sick. Toxins were being pumped into my body. Gastric Bypass is a personal choice. It was not forced upon me in any
way. Therefore, it is already set up to be more positive than chemo.

I am scared because I have been heavy for so long, will I be able to be thinner marla? How does one be a thin person? Will I still be me? I guess I will learn as time goes by. It just seems alittle scary. But, I know I will be successful. I have always loved a good challenge. And, I am always successful with challenging things. It just feels so overwhelming. Time to go make Crystal Light Lemonade. Life is better when drinking lemonade.

Quotes that get me through:

“nothing is worse than chemo.” Personal motto

“… forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road no other way no day but today.” –Cast of Rent

“…and nobody in all of oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down.”
Idina Menzel as Elphaba in Wicked

Survived Thanksgiving

2005-11-27T14:12:00.000-05:00

I survived Thanksgiving. I tried to plan my portions in advance and tried to pretend I had already had my surgery. I did much better then Thanksgivings of the past. I feel better prepared for next year.

I had my mom make Kaye’s recipe for pumpkin & apple soup. My mom & I love pumpkin. So we have had pumpkin soup numerous times before. This was a great variation / addition to our Thanksgiving. Also, my mom makes a killer pumpin butterscotch cake. Well, this year I had her make it with splenda. Not perfect, but a step in the right direction. Next, year I will do Kaye’s pumpkin pie.

Oh, I didn’t eat all the stuffing this year. I am a sucker for my mom’s stuffing. She does whole wheat bread & mushrooms. But, I was careful this year. Which feels quite great.

I have all my pre-op stuff @ the hospital on Tuesday. I am starting to get nervous. Almost @ the 2 week point. Oy Vey!!! I think am only nervous about losing the 20 lbs. I feel it looming over my head. I do my best, but is that every really good enough? Sometimes yes, gawd I want this so bad. I don’t want the staff to tell me, “Oh sorry you didn’t loose the 20lbs, We are gonna have to reschedule you surgery.” I would die. That would be the worst. I want this more then anything. I am so close, I can smell it. I enjoy that expression. Gawd, just let this happen for me!

Things I can't wait to do post surgery

2005-11-23T03:15:00.000-05:00

Go up a flight of stairs without getting out of breathe

Fit into 1 seat on the bus, train, subway, airplane

Not need a seat belt extender in an airplane

Ride comfortably and safely in a back seat of car

Ride my bike

Learn to surf & water ski

Be able to sit in a plastic chair

Easily get up from a couch or chair

Fit in a bathtub

Fit in a regular toilet stall

Stop snoring

Sit on the ground and get up easily and without issue

Looking Back On The Last 6 Months

2005-11-21T03:00:00.000-05:00

I am now officially 3 weeks away from my surgery date. Idecided to use this post to look back and reflect on some things from the last 6 months.

As much as I want gastric bypass, it didn't seem like I would ever get to this point. I have a surgery date that is fast approaching. My insurance company approved my having the surgery. The only thing looming over my head is loosing the damn 20lbs. that my surgeon told me to loose. At least the protein powders I am using for my pre-surgery diet are good.

Anyways, so back to reflecting. So many interesting things have happened during this journey. For example, a very entertaing nurse practitioner (see post 8.20.05) Don't get me wrong, she is very nice and a wonderful person. She takes her job very seriously. But, that day was one for the books.

Then there was the day I had to have my exercise stress test. OHMYGAWD did this suck. I totally though I was going to die. Sidenote: I went through chemo and radiation when I was 9. Because, of this my personal motto is: NOTHING IS WORSE THEN CHEMO. I have been proved wrong. My medicine induced exercise stress test was sooooo much worse.

As a girl well over 350lbs, I obvioulsy have major problems walking. So, when I went for the test I was given the choice of going on treadmil or have my heart rate induced with medicine while laying in a bed. I am sorry, but that was this fat girl's dream. Of course I chose to lay in the bed. BIG MISTAKE. Never take medicine to induce a natural state. OHMYGAWD. IT WAS BLOODY HORRIBLE. I even threw up. Oh yes, not pretty. But, all that is behind me.

The support group I go to is semi irritating because only 1-2 peolpe out of the 30 that go regularly have actually had WLS. All the others are either people waiting for their surgery date. Or the are just looking into having the surgery. Believe I think Attending a meeting while going through all the tests is very important. But, come on pre-ops want to talk to post-ops. I though this was common sense folks.

SHAMELESS PLUG FOR PROTEIN POWDER

UNJURY protein powder in AMAZING. It can be ordered from the company website. The chocolate is amazing. Put in the blender with milk and Ice! Also, they make a strawberry powder that is specifically for use with water. Mix it with Lemonade Crystal Light. Soooo fabulous!

UNJURY Protein

Nectar is also good. The whole line is fruity flavors that are to be mixed with water. Dissolves very well. I recommed the Fuzzy Navel Flavor. For the adventurous, try mixing it in Raspberry Ice Crystal Ice. YUMMILICIOUS! You can order this line from The Vitamin Shoppe.

The Vitamin Shoppe

Time to do my 3 weeks till surgery happy dance.

8.20.05

2005-11-19T16:45:00.000-05:00

This is my first and only page in the journal I started when I decided to start looking into gastric bypass surgery.

So on Aug. 11, I had my “consult” with the surgeon. Well, I actually met with the nurse practioner. So, I found out I have to go for a bunch of tests. But, that is fine. I need to have an abdominal ultrasound, exercise stress test, blood work, nutritional consult, have a psych evaluation, attend 2 support group meetings, and attend an orientation session. The good news is that my therapist is going to do my psych evaluation. Yippee!! Anyways, I have to have all the above done before I meet with the surgeon Sept. 21. Wow. The orientation is Sept. 7. Hopefully, I will have my stress test and ultrasound that day too. Also, I will do my blood work that day too.

I have begun my journey. It is alittle hard to believe. I have appointments. This is really happening.

The Background Info

2005-11-19T10:56:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't say I was always morbidly obese. I was a chubby kid. At approximately age 12 I was 140 lbs. I think I was approximately 50 lbs overweight. Thus began my debcle with weight.

I did Weight Watchers. And let me tell you it was not the point system that it is today. It was quite different. I went to weight loss camp for 6 years. Camp Kingsmont was actually a great place. However, they allowed skinny kids to go there to and they were vicious and made fun of the heavier kids. Which is quite ironic as it was WEIGHT LOSS CAMP!! Oh well, I was deffintely the Fat Camp Champ. Camp Kingsmont is now located at Hampshire College. (When I was a camper it was in West Stockbridge, MA on 220 acres of land with cabins.)

My last summer st Kingsmont was 1996. I was 16 that September was going to be a junior in high school. High scool it hard enough reagrdless of your size. But, I have fond memories of high school. I went to both my proms, was active in some clubs, and had/ have a kick ass group of friends. The latter of which I feel is the most important. And, I am quite fortunate that I am still friends with most of these amazing people.

Went off to college in the fall of 1998 and actually started to loose a bit of weight. I did wind up having breast reduction, because I couldn't deal with the size of my chest anymore, I was 300 lbs and a 44 G. Not fun, trust me. Transferred schools for fall of 2000. I must say that between the 2 colleges I attended, I blossomed. College was good for me. And, I did well.

I graduated with my BFA in visual arts, got a job in NYC, was laid off due to lack of work, and now I am eagerly awaiting my gastric bypass surgey and the start of the next phase of my life.

Camp Kingsmont

Rambling...

2005-11-18T05:45:00.000-05:00

So I am slightly past the one month point for my upcoming surgery date. On December 12, 2005 I will be undergoing gastric bypass. I am eagerly awaiting this huge (no pun intedend) milestone. I truly can not wait. At 387 lbs, who wouldn't be excited. My life is going to change for the better.

I go for all the pre-op stuff in a little over a week. I started this journey in May 2005. Knowing that I had a fairly long road ahead of me. But now that I am a little over 3 weeks away it just seems unfathomable. How did I get to this point so fast. It just hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. I feel like an emottional wreck, but I think that is pretty normal. And in hindsight, I kind of always was. So this really is nothing new.

Say tuned for the next post where I give you the background info you need on this soon to be former fat girl.