Monday, March 13, 2006
I am a loser!
I have now lost 55 lbs. 25 lbs till 300...WOW!! Although I am in my 9th week post-op, this is experience has been bizarrely surreal! It is truly amazing. I love getting my life back. Each new day is exciting. I haven't been this happy in sooo long! I need to start posting pictures.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
So True
Reflection Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
Whats inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection
Someone I dont know
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I wont pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
Whats inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection
Someone I dont know
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I wont pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Age & Life
I came to a conclusion a long time ago that age is nothing but a number. It is all about how you feel. If you feel young, you are young. If you feel old, you are old. I came to this conclusion when my grandfather turned 90 (approach. 7 years ago). He did not look his age. You see my Opa (German for grandpa) was an amazing person. He lived till a few weeks prior to his 97 birthday. He passed August 2004.
My Oma had died July 1998. Since then he was living on his own, driving (even though he shouldn't have), going out, etc. He was a total social butterfly and the life of the party. He was the youngest 90 year old person I knew. He died the way he wanted to; in his house, in his slept, with hospice care.
He felt young, therefore he was young.
There are a few exceptions to this theory. A boy must be 13 to have his Bar-Mitzvah, a girl can be either 12 or 13. You must be 16 to get your drivers permit in Massachusetts. You want to vote, buy cigarettes, and/ or porn...you must be 18. Wanna buy that 6-pack of beer? You need to be 21. Need to rent a car, you must be 25.
I just turned 26 on Friday. I don't feel any different. I feel great & young, but adult at the same time. So I did some math. I added the digits of my age together to come up with my actual age. 2 + 6 = 8. 8 seems about right!!
My Oma had died July 1998. Since then he was living on his own, driving (even though he shouldn't have), going out, etc. He was a total social butterfly and the life of the party. He was the youngest 90 year old person I knew. He died the way he wanted to; in his house, in his slept, with hospice care.
He felt young, therefore he was young.
There are a few exceptions to this theory. A boy must be 13 to have his Bar-Mitzvah, a girl can be either 12 or 13. You must be 16 to get your drivers permit in Massachusetts. You want to vote, buy cigarettes, and/ or porn...you must be 18. Wanna buy that 6-pack of beer? You need to be 21. Need to rent a car, you must be 25.
I just turned 26 on Friday. I don't feel any different. I feel great & young, but adult at the same time. So I did some math. I added the digits of my age together to come up with my actual age. 2 + 6 = 8. 8 seems about right!!
Friday, February 17, 2006
I am the Birthday Princess
So today 2.17.80 is my birthday!! I am 26 years old!!! WOW. This is my year. The year of Marla. There is so much I hope to achieve and accomplish this year. And, I know I will!! I am so excited. It is hard to believe I am almost 2 months post-op (3.3.06). I truly have been given a new beginning. It is so amazing.
I am going out with some friends tonight. My family and I will celebrate my birthday the first week in March when my brother will be home for his Spring Break!!! My birthday festivities will be Saturday the 25th as 2 friends are away! Dinner at a mexican restaurant, cozmic bowling, and then hanging out a bar. I can never just celebrate my birthday in one day. Many of celebration are required.
Looking back over the last 26 years:
I remember:
learning logo on a green screen brown box apple computer in kindergarten (1985)
life before answering machines, call waiting, caller id, cell phones
boxy cell phones when they first came out
tape players in cars
no cds
WOW and so much more, but I am saving that for another post.
I am going out with some friends tonight. My family and I will celebrate my birthday the first week in March when my brother will be home for his Spring Break!!! My birthday festivities will be Saturday the 25th as 2 friends are away! Dinner at a mexican restaurant, cozmic bowling, and then hanging out a bar. I can never just celebrate my birthday in one day. Many of celebration are required.
Looking back over the last 26 years:
I remember:
learning logo on a green screen brown box apple computer in kindergarten (1985)
life before answering machines, call waiting, caller id, cell phones
boxy cell phones when they first came out
tape players in cars
no cds
WOW and so much more, but I am saving that for another post.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Oh my goodness...
So, I can not believe I haven't blogged in about a month. Oh my! So much has happened, I can't believe I haven't bloggeed. I had my month follow up feb. 3. Everything went well I was done 36 since pounds since surgery. Now I am down a bit more then 50 lbs and it hasn't even been 2 months yet. So exciting to be below 350. My face is getting thinner and my jeans are getting bigger. I am able to wear pants that I haven't worn in about a year. It is so crazy.
I was diagnosed with osteo arthritis in my left knee. I have some lovely bone on bone action going on in my knee cap. I am going to go to physical therapy & recieve visco (lubrication shots in the knee cap). I am too young for a knee transplant. It seems that in 10 years I will probably need one. My weight doean't help. But, I busted my knee 10 years at camp and an injury makes you prone to osteo arthritis. Wahooooooo!!!!! Nuthin' I can't handle though.
It turns out that for every pound you weigh, it is 4 pounds of pressure on your knees. When I weighed 392 over the summer that equals 1600 lbs of pressure on my knees. I have lost about 50 pounds. Therefore, I have lost 200 lbs of pressure on my knees. I want to weigh 14O lbs with a net loss of 250 lbs. When I reach my goal weight it will be a loss of 1000 lbs of pressure from my knees. I love crazy math.
I picked up my parents extra car today from the bodyshop. It is the car they let me drive. My parents & I were rear eneded by an 18-wheeler truck on 95 in Stamford, CT almost 3 weeks ago. We are all fine. Thank Gawd!!!! Wowzer. We were all pretty sore. It happened driving home from my follow up appt. in NYC. I really thought we were dead. When I realized that my parents and I were fine, my first thought was that it would really if I diead in a car wreck 1 month after gastric bypass. BUT we are fine, and we have the extra car back. I love that 2005 Chevy Impala.
I was diagnosed with osteo arthritis in my left knee. I have some lovely bone on bone action going on in my knee cap. I am going to go to physical therapy & recieve visco (lubrication shots in the knee cap). I am too young for a knee transplant. It seems that in 10 years I will probably need one. My weight doean't help. But, I busted my knee 10 years at camp and an injury makes you prone to osteo arthritis. Wahooooooo!!!!! Nuthin' I can't handle though.
It turns out that for every pound you weigh, it is 4 pounds of pressure on your knees. When I weighed 392 over the summer that equals 1600 lbs of pressure on my knees. I have lost about 50 pounds. Therefore, I have lost 200 lbs of pressure on my knees. I want to weigh 14O lbs with a net loss of 250 lbs. When I reach my goal weight it will be a loss of 1000 lbs of pressure from my knees. I love crazy math.
I picked up my parents extra car today from the bodyshop. It is the car they let me drive. My parents & I were rear eneded by an 18-wheeler truck on 95 in Stamford, CT almost 3 weeks ago. We are all fine. Thank Gawd!!!! Wowzer. We were all pretty sore. It happened driving home from my follow up appt. in NYC. I really thought we were dead. When I realized that my parents and I were fine, my first thought was that it would really if I diead in a car wreck 1 month after gastric bypass. BUT we are fine, and we have the extra car back. I love that 2005 Chevy Impala.
Monday, January 16, 2006
First Post-Op Weekend Back in the 'head
Saturday I didn't do to much as it was my first full day home and I was exhausted. I cleaned my room a bit and did the treadmill. I hung out with my brother as he is still on break from school. He goes back today. He is a junior in the film program @ Emerson. He has a kick ass apartment 4 blocks from campus. But, enough about that. What else did I do on Saturday? Oh, a family friend came over to see me. Good times. She had an open Gastric Bypass 2 years ago.
I had a very funny conversation with my mom. I was taking to her about the very thoughtful presents I had received including flowers, and my mom asked me if I had the surgery for the presents? Now I must say I am a JAP (Jewish American princess)! I am however a whole lot better with it then when I was younger. Although I am a JAP, I am no longer a spoiled brat. I told my mom that I did the surgery for me, but that presents are a nice bonus!!! Prior to surgery I had thought about the notion of getting presents. Who wouldn't? My mom & I had a good laugh with that!!
Sunday I didn't get up till noon (only 13 hours of sleep). Marla was exhausted! Did the treadmill. Hung out with my brother. Watched my mom bake and frost my brother's birthday cake. It didn't bother me at all. I know I can't eat it & that was fine. SHOCKING!!!! My brother is turning 21 on the 23. He will be in school for his birthday. Although Boston is only 30 minutes away, it was easier to celebrate will he was home on break. The big party will be in February when I can eat solid food. My parents are going to us to The Medieval Manor -Theater & Restaurant in Boston. So exciting. Since my birthday is 3 weeks after my brothers we will celebrate both.
We also went to see Spielberg's Munich! I thought it was brilliant. WOW...just WOW!! The actress who played Golda Meir was great. She really portrayed Golda's tough & compassionate persona! FYI: The actress who played Golda Meir was Miranda's housekeeper on Sex and the City!!!!
Today: Monday I am going with my dad to drop my brother off at his apartment. Then my dad and I are going to Costco and CVS so I get some stuff. I think we are going to go to the movies again tonight. Hopefully we will see either Casanova or Tristan & Isolde!! My family are big movie people. We were this way even before I brother became a film student!
I had a very funny conversation with my mom. I was taking to her about the very thoughtful presents I had received including flowers, and my mom asked me if I had the surgery for the presents? Now I must say I am a JAP (Jewish American princess)! I am however a whole lot better with it then when I was younger. Although I am a JAP, I am no longer a spoiled brat. I told my mom that I did the surgery for me, but that presents are a nice bonus!!! Prior to surgery I had thought about the notion of getting presents. Who wouldn't? My mom & I had a good laugh with that!!
Sunday I didn't get up till noon (only 13 hours of sleep). Marla was exhausted! Did the treadmill. Hung out with my brother. Watched my mom bake and frost my brother's birthday cake. It didn't bother me at all. I know I can't eat it & that was fine. SHOCKING!!!! My brother is turning 21 on the 23. He will be in school for his birthday. Although Boston is only 30 minutes away, it was easier to celebrate will he was home on break. The big party will be in February when I can eat solid food. My parents are going to us to The Medieval Manor -Theater & Restaurant in Boston. So exciting. Since my birthday is 3 weeks after my brothers we will celebrate both.
We also went to see Spielberg's Munich! I thought it was brilliant. WOW...just WOW!! The actress who played Golda Meir was great. She really portrayed Golda's tough & compassionate persona! FYI: The actress who played Golda Meir was Miranda's housekeeper on Sex and the City!!!!
Today: Monday I am going with my dad to drop my brother off at his apartment. Then my dad and I are going to Costco and CVS so I get some stuff. I think we are going to go to the movies again tonight. Hopefully we will see either Casanova or Tristan & Isolde!! My family are big movie people. We were this way even before I brother became a film student!
'nuthin is worse then chemotherapy
So I came back home to Massachusetts on Friday afternoon. So great to be back home albeit my parent's house. But, I love my parents. I am truly lucky that my parents are also my friends. My parents are just so cool. Through this whole journey they have totally been supportive. Without them and my friends I don't know how I would have gotten through this.
The same holds true when I was 9 and did my stint with chemo & radiation. Gawd, chemo fucking sucks. Gastric Bypass is a breeze compared to chemo. Who wants toxins pumped into their body? I was walking skeleton. But, I must say I was truly beautiful bald. Thank god I didn't have cancer. I had/ have a rare benign tumor (Aggressive Fibromatosis). So rare there is no cure, just amputation of the limb. Radiation stopped it from growing and I still have my arm!! I was lucky!
Everyone said I was brave. I wasn't brave. I just wanted to get through it and past it. I am a big believer in facing challenges and working through them. In fact I love a good challenge. Believe me, I have had my fair share! My motto is suck it up and deal. Sometimes you just have to.
Well, now people are telling me that I am brave because I had Gastric Bypass. Doing what needs to be done, doesn't make me brave. Atleast not in my opinion. I needed help. I needed to do something. And I did.
'nuthin is worse then chemotherapy!!!!
The same holds true when I was 9 and did my stint with chemo & radiation. Gawd, chemo fucking sucks. Gastric Bypass is a breeze compared to chemo. Who wants toxins pumped into their body? I was walking skeleton. But, I must say I was truly beautiful bald. Thank god I didn't have cancer. I had/ have a rare benign tumor (Aggressive Fibromatosis). So rare there is no cure, just amputation of the limb. Radiation stopped it from growing and I still have my arm!! I was lucky!
Everyone said I was brave. I wasn't brave. I just wanted to get through it and past it. I am a big believer in facing challenges and working through them. In fact I love a good challenge. Believe me, I have had my fair share! My motto is suck it up and deal. Sometimes you just have to.
Well, now people are telling me that I am brave because I had Gastric Bypass. Doing what needs to be done, doesn't make me brave. Atleast not in my opinion. I needed help. I needed to do something. And I did.
'nuthin is worse then chemotherapy!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)