The Amazing Marla

I can perform magic. Seriously I can. I able to cross my legs. Either one of them. The last time I remember being able to cross my legs was at my bat-mitzvah when I was 12. I was sitting on the bimah at my temple during the reading of the torah. Funny story. Because, my legs were crossed you could see up my dress. So Rabbi Goldberg came over and told me I should uncross them. My mom mouthed that to me as well!

I can cross my legs again. Other magic tricks I can perform include:

• Adjusting the driver's seat in my car without stopping the car and opening the door

• Being able to pick up things that fall at my feet while driving without stopping the car and opening the door

• My thigh no longer touches the door while sitting behind the wheel of my car. In addition, I now fit on the seat

More good things to come. I can't wait. Bring'em on!

Random Lump = Cancer

This happened like 3 weeks ago, but it is still funny. Typical Marla being dumb behavior!! I submit the following story for your entertainment.

I was in bed trying to fall asleep. I wind up scratching an itch around the base of my neck. Well, I fell a huge lump. Me being me...I start to panic a little. I sit up and proclaim, "Holy shit, I have cancer!" I keep feeling the lump & pondering waking up my parents to take me to the ER @ Salem Hospital. I have my feet on the floor ready to go wake them up, when I decided to check out the other side. I have a lump there too. Then the light bulb goes off.... I HAVE COLLAR BONES! Silly Marla.

Run Marla Run

So, I ran the other day! Very weird. Fat people don't run & yet my 287 lb body was running. I was at the mall working the other day when the running took place. Long story short, I ran after a customer to suggest a product to him. So I suggested to the manager on that I would run after him. I took the product and off I went.

Not only was I running, I was running in my birkenstocks. Alas, I never found the guy. However, I ran like 200 feet and didn't pass out or run. Should I reiterate that fat people don't run. I was alittle out of breathe, but not huffing & puffing in a bad way. 911 did not need to be called and I was able to walk back to where I work! Go Marla!!!

Send happy vibes to Tamalamba

So my buddy Tammy is having surgery today @ NSMC... I am asking all of my readers to send happy, positive vibes to Tammy!!!
Good luck Tamalamba!!