Sunday, November 27, 2005

My Theme Song

Everyone needs a theme song. This is mine.

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after al

Artist: ("Love is All Around" by Paul Williams) Lyrics
Song: Mary Tyler Moore Show Lyrics

Emotional Basketcase

So I have completely lost it. Those of you that know me are questioning if I had to begin with. However, I really lost it now. I have become an emotional wreck. I am totally excited about my upcoming surgery. But, in addition to being excited I am also experiencing every possible emotion.

I am scared, nervous, sad, excited, happy, optimistic, etc. I know I will be fine. I have had surgery before, so that doesn’t scare me. I have been through chemo & radiation. I feel that there is nothing worse than chemo. (That is my personal motto.) I was so sick. Toxins were being pumped into my body. Gastric Bypass is a personal choice. It was not forced upon me in any
way. Therefore, it is already set up to be more positive than chemo.

I am scared because I have been heavy for so long, will I be able to be thinner marla? How does one be a thin person? Will I still be me? I guess I will learn as time goes by. It just seems alittle scary. But, I know I will be successful. I have always loved a good challenge. And, I am always successful with challenging things. It just feels so overwhelming. Time to go make Crystal Light Lemonade. Life is better when drinking lemonade.

Quotes that get me through:

“nothing is worse than chemo.” Personal motto

“… forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road no other way no day but today.” –Cast of Rent

“…and nobody in all of oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down.”
Idina Menzel as Elphaba in Wicked

Survived Thanksgiving

I survived Thanksgiving. I tried to plan my portions in advance and tried to pretend I had already had my surgery. I did much better then Thanksgivings of the past. I feel better prepared for next year.

I had my mom make Kaye’s recipe for pumpkin & apple soup. My mom & I love pumpkin. So we have had pumpkin soup numerous times before. This was a great variation / addition to our Thanksgiving. Also, my mom makes a killer pumpin butterscotch cake. Well, this year I had her make it with splenda. Not perfect, but a step in the right direction. Next, year I will do Kaye’s pumpkin pie.

Oh, I didn’t eat all the stuffing this year. I am a sucker for my mom’s stuffing. She does whole wheat bread & mushrooms. But, I was careful this year. Which feels quite great.

I have all my pre-op stuff @ the hospital on Tuesday. I am starting to get nervous. Almost @ the 2 week point. Oy Vey!!! I think am only nervous about losing the 20 lbs. I feel it looming over my head. I do my best, but is that every really good enough? Sometimes yes, gawd I want this so bad. I don’t want the staff to tell me, “Oh sorry you didn’t loose the 20lbs, We are gonna have to reschedule you surgery.” I would die. That would be the worst. I want this more then anything. I am so close, I can smell it. I enjoy that expression. Gawd, just let this happen for me!