Sunday, April 15, 2007

Day of liquids

So a buddy of mine and I are going to do a day of liquids tomorrow (Monday). Wahooooo. I love doing a day of liquids. It helps me get back control. I might even do 2 days of liquids. I need to just stay focused - eyes on the prize. I know I can do this... but I feel like I fucked it all up. I didn't have my insides rearranged to be just be satisfied with where I am... I want to loose another 100 lbs. I know I will. I worked too hard to just give up and stop. I am human - unfortunately.

Bring on the liquids - bring on the next 100 lb. loss.

Sweet Sixteen!

16 years ago - last week of March 1991 - I was finishing my round of radiation therapy on my right arm. 16 years ago - I was hoping and praying that I wouldn't be an amputee. 16 years ago - right now... my only wish was that radiation treatment would stop my tumor's path and growth. I was tired of being sick and fighting so damn hard! I am so proud of that little girl. She was the bravest, strongest person I know. She fought so hard... and her efforts were greatly rewarded!

Very long story short -

1989, I was diagnosed with Aggressive Fibromatosis. A rare benign tumor.

My orthopedist is the foremost person in the country for Aggressive Fibromatosis. I was the 10th patient he saw with this kind of tumor. His first patient was a woman in the 1960's. She died. The tumor is benign and doesn't matastisize - however it is so locally aggressive that it is basically between benign and malignant. The only cure is amputation of the limb. If left untreated it grows in it's path and enters the body cavity - and well, you die. Sorry, for my bluntness.

My arm was supposed to be amputated... I was told it would be - but I never got that sugery date! Due to my parents' persistence and the abnormal kindness of one doctor - I have my functioning right arm. I was a medical guinea pig and am written up in medical journals.

My tumor was removed once - it grew back. Chemo, was a crap shoot - I was guinea pig. My tumor grew during my round of chemo. The only reason I did radiation was because my parents and Dr. Bornstein are special people. Radiation wasn't done at that time for the possibility of maybe helping or just to see if it would work. There had to be a legitimate reason to run that machine... and well Dr. Bornstein agreed to take me on as a case study and wrote a paper about me to justify the treatment & it worked!!!

There was a boy around my age who was seeing my Doctor at the same time as me. He had Aggressive Fibromatosis in his leg. At that time - that boy and I were the only 2 patient's of Dr. Goldberg's who never became amputees.

I had a great team and we all fought and worked so hard for me to keep my arm and have it function and well it all worked out!

I don't know why I am the lucky one or why I am the special one. I have spent lots of time trying figure it out & I can't! I just accept it. Maybe, someone/ thing knew that I would learn from it and could handle it? However, I am grateful everyday for being so damn lucky and special.

I got a miracle.

She's not just a pretty face ~ Shania Twain

I am not just a pretty face... I am the whole package! This is a Marla song. Hell - this is a song for every girl/ woman!

I Belong To Me ~ Jessica Simpson

My other theme song. Well, in addition to ~ Who can turn the world on with her smile? That will always be my theme song - but this suits me too!

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker ~ Sandi Thom

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