Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Ethan is graduating…

My baby brother is graduating from college on Monday. His BFA thesis film – PLASTIC is finished. All that he has left to complete is one class and his internship this summer. So basically he is “walking” at the graduation ceremony. However, my brother is graduating. He will have a BFA degree just like his sister. And he won an award from school. The awards ceremony is Sunday!

I am so proud of my brother I could plotz (burst). He really has grown into a wonderful person/ man. He is UBER talented, brilliant, compassionate, kind, gentle, funny, intelligent, sensitive, and very laid back. I am so glad we are as close as we are. Our relationship has had strains over the years – but we worked/ pushed through and I am grateful every day that my brother forgave me for the things I did. He could truly hate me – but he doesn’t. I am so lucky. He is my friend and my brother. We have great times together and have been through horrible things together. We have each other’s back - always and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I protect my own. He is the same way about me. I couldn’t be more proud of him and the person he has become.

I remember the day he was born – January 23, 1985. I was almost 5. I was so excited. Mom knew she was having a boy. I was so excited. GG asked me what I wanted for my big sister present – I wanted a Rainbow Brite Doll. The morning he was born – I woke up around 5 am and the light was on in the kitchen, which was weird. I went into my parents room and they weren’t there – I panicked a little and went into the kitchen – Peggy was in there. Mom and Dad had gone to the hospital. I spent the morning at Peggy’s house. Played with her kids and dog. The Au Pair at Peggy’s house made French toast for breakfast. Ellen and Steve picked me up in their Cadillac in the early afternoon to take me to the hospital. They gave me a thing of conversation hearts. We go to the hospital. The first person I saw as I was walking into the hospital room was GG!!!! Grandpa was there too. Mom was in bed and dad was there. Oma and Opa were flying in from Florida the following day. GG gave me my Rainbow Brite Doll. She could make things happen. I was so excited. I was getting fussed over. Then I met Ethan. I knew he was a person & not a doll. But it was weird. And he was the biggest living little person I had ever seen. He was 10 lbs 5 oz and 22 inches long. He was all head and shoulders. He got stuck and tore through mom and well I think she got sick and turned a little green and maybe a bit of shock set in… Dad thought she was going to die. Mom pulled through – but dad held Ethan first. I got to hold Ethan that day. Dad had me sit in a chair and put Ethan in my lap. I loved him instantly. He was mine!!!!! He isn’t my son. But he is my baby brother. What I did he wanted to do… he was like my little sidekick and although at times I found him irritating – I wouldn’t want it to have been any different.

I just can’t believe he is graduating. I feel old amongst other things. It is very bizarre. How did we get to this moment? Everything we have gone through. WOW!!!! Life just happens and well – I am glad I am around and healthy to see it. I am proud to be the kind of sister Ethan deserves to have and I know he is proud of me. I am also glad that Grandpa is around to see Ethan graduate – he and Uncle Lenny are coming up on Friday.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Voting starts May 2nd

Erin is one of my bestest friends. She is amazingly talented and I love her dearly. She can win this.

In case you forget Erin is a songwriter and submitted her song CLOSE to the American Idol Songwriter competition... The song with the votes will be sung by the American Idol winner!

Voting starts May 2nd...

If you haven't already registered to vote - please go to and register to vote - you will then be emailed a reminder when voting starts on May 2nd... then cast your vote ~ CLOSE BY ERIN MICHELLE KUCH

I am asking you to vote for .... CLOSE BY ERIN MICHELLE KUCH

To hear Close and other songs got to... Erin's Myspace Music Page ~

Is it My Fault - is my fave!!!!

Erin can win this - let's help push CLOSE over the edge with votes... Get the word out there.

Thanks y'all!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Nor'easter and the gym

THe weather is so not good outside. A nice little nore'easter - lots of wind and rain! It is 5:30 am so I am writing this quickly before I am off like a prom dress and going to the gym. I can hear the wind howling. Oh well. Anyways, I am drinking my 3 oz protein shot thing and thinking I shall do the recumbent and arm weights... tonight my kardio kick class - good times.

Have a great day y'all!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Day of liquids

So a buddy of mine and I are going to do a day of liquids tomorrow (Monday). Wahooooo. I love doing a day of liquids. It helps me get back control. I might even do 2 days of liquids. I need to just stay focused - eyes on the prize. I know I can do this... but I feel like I fucked it all up. I didn't have my insides rearranged to be just be satisfied with where I am... I want to loose another 100 lbs. I know I will. I worked too hard to just give up and stop. I am human - unfortunately.

Bring on the liquids - bring on the next 100 lb. loss.

Sweet Sixteen!

16 years ago - last week of March 1991 - I was finishing my round of radiation therapy on my right arm. 16 years ago - I was hoping and praying that I wouldn't be an amputee. 16 years ago - right now... my only wish was that radiation treatment would stop my tumor's path and growth. I was tired of being sick and fighting so damn hard! I am so proud of that little girl. She was the bravest, strongest person I know. She fought so hard... and her efforts were greatly rewarded!

Very long story short -

1989, I was diagnosed with Aggressive Fibromatosis. A rare benign tumor.

My orthopedist is the foremost person in the country for Aggressive Fibromatosis. I was the 10th patient he saw with this kind of tumor. His first patient was a woman in the 1960's. She died. The tumor is benign and doesn't matastisize - however it is so locally aggressive that it is basically between benign and malignant. The only cure is amputation of the limb. If left untreated it grows in it's path and enters the body cavity - and well, you die. Sorry, for my bluntness.

My arm was supposed to be amputated... I was told it would be - but I never got that sugery date! Due to my parents' persistence and the abnormal kindness of one doctor - I have my functioning right arm. I was a medical guinea pig and am written up in medical journals.

My tumor was removed once - it grew back. Chemo, was a crap shoot - I was guinea pig. My tumor grew during my round of chemo. The only reason I did radiation was because my parents and Dr. Bornstein are special people. Radiation wasn't done at that time for the possibility of maybe helping or just to see if it would work. There had to be a legitimate reason to run that machine... and well Dr. Bornstein agreed to take me on as a case study and wrote a paper about me to justify the treatment & it worked!!!

There was a boy around my age who was seeing my Doctor at the same time as me. He had Aggressive Fibromatosis in his leg. At that time - that boy and I were the only 2 patient's of Dr. Goldberg's who never became amputees.

I had a great team and we all fought and worked so hard for me to keep my arm and have it function and well it all worked out!

I don't know why I am the lucky one or why I am the special one. I have spent lots of time trying figure it out & I can't! I just accept it. Maybe, someone/ thing knew that I would learn from it and could handle it? However, I am grateful everyday for being so damn lucky and special.

I got a miracle.

She's not just a pretty face ~ Shania Twain

I am not just a pretty face... I am the whole package! This is a Marla song. Hell - this is a song for every girl/ woman!

I Belong To Me ~ Jessica Simpson

My other theme song. Well, in addition to ~ Who can turn the world on with her smile? That will always be my theme song - but this suits me too!

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker ~ Sandi Thom

Check out my Guestbook!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Help me to help Erin - She can win this..

I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for Erin - one of my bestest friends!

She just submitted a song to the American Idol Songwriting competition.

The winner of AI 2007 will sing the song w/ the most votes on the season finale.

Erin is one of my bestest friends - we went to SUNY Purchase together! And I love her dearly! She has busted her arse for the last 2.5 years touching up her cd. I did her cd cover - I am her graphic designer!

I realize that asking most of you to do anything related to american idol equates sacrificing your first born to the devil, but think about it this way well y'all are friends with me and Erin is my friend and you may not know her - but she rocks!... She can win this! Do it for me!

I am humbly asking if y'all will please register to vote on and vote for Erin Michelle Kuch's song "close."

Spread the word to your family, your friends, your enemies, and your co-workers.

Most of us who know Erin believe that Erin's true calling in life is her songwriting. Well, now's crunch time.

Please, Please, Please!

Thanks in advance.

P.S Check out Erin's Myspace Music Page to hear some of her stuff and see the album cover I did for Beneath the Curtain - her cd!

Will I ever reach my goal?

I feel so frustrated!!! I feel Like a big fat failure!!! WTF!!!!!

MOST of my surgery buddies have reached their goal weights and I am super duper happy for them. But, it makes me alittle sad that I still have so far to go. . I try to remind myself that I weighed 392 lbs pre - op and most of my friends were never that heavy and I can't compare myself to other WLS people - hell I can't comapre myslef to other people! I am me and I love me! But, I want to be me at goal!!!!

I want to be successful with my WLS!!! I think part of me thought I would get to my goal in one year - but loosing over 200 lbs in one year was/ is unrealistic. I lost 144lbs in my first post - op, that is amazing. Why is that not good enough? I know why I got fat in the first place and am working on my inner demons with my therapist - I am starting to feel whole again and like the Marla I was before igot sick and my grandmother died - I am becoming me again! Like coming home again! I am happy. I am just scared that I won't reach my goal. Will it ever happen for me. I am doing my aprt and working with my tool. There is always room for improvement . I have the power to make my dreams come true and I didn't have this surgery to be satisfied with where I am - I WILL REACH MY GOAL!!!!!!

Still Here...

I used to blog all the time - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????

There is lots to catch up on. My life is like a whirlwind sometimes and very calm others. Ethan is graduating college next month. How is that possible. I remember the day he was born and what I was doing like it was yesterday!

I have lost a butt load of weight and look and feel completely different. Of course - I am still Marla and there are people and things that piss me off - But i am still happy. And enjoying living life. This is one crazy rollercoaster that I am not getting off. They will have to pry the safety bar from my cold dead hands!

I need to be posting more regularly with what is going on in my life!!!!! There is lots. Look for another post tonight! I am going to try to post everyday. I need a place to ramble. Does anyone actually read Former Fat Girl - or am I just talknig to myslef. Oh well, I am good at keeping myself entertained.

I see my surgeon next week for follow - up for gastric bypass and gallbladder removal. _ One year and 3 months post - op - when did that happen? Will I ever get to goal, yes. Gosh it is so damn frustrating. But, having been 392 lbs - I can't expect it to happen over night.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Travelin' Fool

January 12 - 14, 2007

Went to Georgia to visit my soul sister Lucinda! GOOD TIMES! Can't wait to go back!

February 16 - 19, 2007

Went to Kentucky to visit my wicked good friend Beth! OH MY GOSH DID WE HAVE A BLAST! And I passed the test to visit again. Beth so wants me to come back - for more fun! Looking forward to it!

I love both of you tons! You both are just amazing - I am so lucky to call you both FRIEND!

I am back!

Bet y'all were wondering what happened to me & missed me so much. I can't believe I haven't blogged in so long. I have to so much to update y'all on so this will be the short version with more to follow later.

~Here is the list version of what has happened since my last post~

• I had my 1 year surgiversary

• Turned 27 - I AM 27 (bizarre)

• Travelin fool - been to Connecticut, New York City, Georgia & Kentucky - Gosh I love my friends! (I past the test for a second visit with both Lucinda & Beth W. - SWEET, I can't wait)

• My brother turned 22

• I got a comission to do a large scale painting for a family friend

• I have lost 144lbs since my Weight Loss Surgery

• Life is good - trying to deal with my suprressed inner demons that caused me to eat. But, I am dealing and moving forward. I am too important to ever give up on myself again.

Nuthin' is worse then chemo!