Sunday, November 27, 2005

Emotional Basketcase

So I have completely lost it. Those of you that know me are questioning if I had to begin with. However, I really lost it now. I have become an emotional wreck. I am totally excited about my upcoming surgery. But, in addition to being excited I am also experiencing every possible emotion.

I am scared, nervous, sad, excited, happy, optimistic, etc. I know I will be fine. I have had surgery before, so that doesn’t scare me. I have been through chemo & radiation. I feel that there is nothing worse than chemo. (That is my personal motto.) I was so sick. Toxins were being pumped into my body. Gastric Bypass is a personal choice. It was not forced upon me in any
way. Therefore, it is already set up to be more positive than chemo.

I am scared because I have been heavy for so long, will I be able to be thinner marla? How does one be a thin person? Will I still be me? I guess I will learn as time goes by. It just seems alittle scary. But, I know I will be successful. I have always loved a good challenge. And, I am always successful with challenging things. It just feels so overwhelming. Time to go make Crystal Light Lemonade. Life is better when drinking lemonade.

Quotes that get me through:

“nothing is worse than chemo.” Personal motto

“… forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road no other way no day but today.” –Cast of Rent

“…and nobody in all of oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down.”
Idina Menzel as Elphaba in Wicked


Maaya said...

I don't think the surgery will change the intrinsic nature of your being. However, it will definitely mark the beginning of a new phase in your life, and I wish you well. I hope there are many warm people around you who will see to it that you sail through this phase. Whenever you're sad, just remember that 'This..too..will pass..' Take Care.. Love, Maaya

zeezee said...

CONGRATS on your 12/12 date.. mine is on the 19th. will be thinking/praying for you :)