The Amazing Marla

I can perform magic. Seriously I can. I able to cross my legs. Either one of them. The last time I remember being able to cross my legs was at my bat-mitzvah when I was 12. I was sitting on the bimah at my temple during the reading of the torah. Funny story. Because, my legs were crossed you could see up my dress. So Rabbi Goldberg came over and told me I should uncross them. My mom mouthed that to me as well!

I can cross my legs again. Other magic tricks I can perform include:

• Adjusting the driver's seat in my car without stopping the car and opening the door

• Being able to pick up things that fall at my feet while driving without stopping the car and opening the door

• My thigh no longer touches the door while sitting behind the wheel of my car. In addition, I now fit on the seat

More good things to come. I can't wait. Bring'em on!

Random Lump = Cancer

This happened like 3 weeks ago, but it is still funny. Typical Marla being dumb behavior!! I submit the following story for your entertainment.

I was in bed trying to fall asleep. I wind up scratching an itch around the base of my neck. Well, I fell a huge lump. Me being me...I start to panic a little. I sit up and proclaim, "Holy shit, I have cancer!" I keep feeling the lump & pondering waking up my parents to take me to the ER @ Salem Hospital. I have my feet on the floor ready to go wake them up, when I decided to check out the other side. I have a lump there too. Then the light bulb goes off.... I HAVE COLLAR BONES! Silly Marla.

Run Marla Run

So, I ran the other day! Very weird. Fat people don't run & yet my 287 lb body was running. I was at the mall working the other day when the running took place. Long story short, I ran after a customer to suggest a product to him. So I suggested to the manager on that I would run after him. I took the product and off I went.

Not only was I running, I was running in my birkenstocks. Alas, I never found the guy. However, I ran like 200 feet and didn't pass out or run. Should I reiterate that fat people don't run. I was alittle out of breathe, but not huffing & puffing in a bad way. 911 did not need to be called and I was able to walk back to where I work! Go Marla!!!

Send happy vibes to Tamalamba

So my buddy Tammy is having surgery today @ NSMC... I am asking all of my readers to send happy, positive vibes to Tammy!!!
Good luck Tamalamba!!

The things I say

Well, my epiphany today was that as of now, I have probably lost a seventh grader. I think 93 lbs = a seventh grader. If I loose all the weight that I want to, either 250 lbs or 270 lbs... I will be loosing a morbidly obese person. That is f 'ing insane! I will shed a morbidly obese person at the end of all this madness. Silly Marla.

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all? Why of course you are Princess Marla! Not only are you beautiful, but are you smart, talented, & gosh darn it people like you!!!

There's a moose in your house

So I hung out with one of my fat school buddies this evening (Tuesday). It was game night with some of her friends. Yours truly was invited. It was a blast seeing Tammy outside of fat school. Her friends were great. Good food, good people, good times!!!

Tammy cooked yummy food. That cornbread was amazing! Wowzer! Anyways, when Tammy emails me the recipe I will try to replicate it. We played a fun game called There's a moose in your house. The directions were rather complicated. Hey, I studied art in school & am from the 'head. At least, I am able to hold my cards. Once we got through the first game things were looking up and we actually got the hang of it. All in all, I think a good time was had by all!